Car Conversations

Car Conversations: an MSR 🛢

If this looks like a Twitter thread, it is! When it looked like Twitter was going to implode, I decided to create this thread here as well, rather than risk losing it.

Tracing the evolution of the Mulder/Scully Relationship through things they say while driving


S: Better than you expected, or better than you hoped?
M: I’ll let you know when we get past the easy part

Getting to know each other in the Pilot. They’re both a little unsure of each other but open to the new experience


M: We lost 9 minutes

Again in the Pilot, Scully is really wondering whether this can work. She knows time is a universal invariant. How can Mulder question that?


S: You believe it all, don’t you?
M: Why wouldn’t I?

In Deep Throat Scully seems amused by Mulder’s willingness to believe, and Mulder’s wondering whether she can open herself to extreme possibilities


M: The boy is a Conduit of some kind, a link or connection
S: Mulder I know what you’re thinking, why this is so important to you

Scully is getting look at how Mulder is affected by his sister’s abduction. He needs to trust that she won’t dismiss his theories because of it.


Have you ever seen the Liberty Bell?

A little friendly banter after finishing the case in Shadows. The script suggests they’re starting to understand each other, and enjoying it.


Little Eves: We have to go to the bathroom
M: Can you hold it?
S: I could use some caffeine
M: *sigh*

They fell so easily into these roles in Eve


M: Think about it, this truck drove across America… nobody would have suspected it was hauling a craft from another world

By E.B.E. Scully isn’t laughing at Mulder. She’s completely on his side, even while she’s seeking other explanations


S: What aren’t you telling me? Why are we here?

Mulder is still not completely open with Scully in Shapes.


S: Fox —
M: Mulder. I even made my parents call me Mulder
S: Mulder, I wouldn’t put myself on the line for anybody but you
M: If there’s an iced tea in that bag, could be love

In Tooms they both make it clear they’re looking out for each other, they’re important to each other.


S: I seem to recall you having some pretty extreme hunches
M: I never have!
S: 😁
M: 😁

In Aubrey we see one of the most adorable car conversations ever (and the inspiration for this thread)! They clearly enjoy each other’s company


M: Vikings v. Redskins, Scully. 40 yard line, you and me.

In Irresistible we learn the Mulder took a case just to have the chance to take Scully to a football game


M: What is it Scully?
S: I’m alright
M: You don’t look alright
S: No, I’m fine

Stoic Scully in Fresh Bones


S: Woman gets lonely, sometimes she can’t wait around for a man to be reincarnated
M: …

Did Mulder think about this comment in The List later?


S: The map says turn right
M: The detective said turn left
S: Turn right
M: *turns right, the turns around and heads left*

Clearly something’s amiss in Syzygy


S: Shut up Mulder
M: Sure. Fine. Whatever.

Yep, glad to leave this town behind


M: Did you really have to bring him?
S: You wake me up on a Saturday morning. My mother’s out of town, the dog-sitters are booked, and you know how I feel about kennels.

Quagmire shows us that partners who know each other this well sometimes get on each other’s nerves


S: There has to be some evidence of a virus
M: Scully I think if you looked up from your microscope you’d see what’s missing is a motive
S: The motive of any pathogen is to reproduce

Their theories are at odds in Teliko and they’re a little snippy about it


S: What the hell does it matter?
M: Because I want to know
S: I don’t

More conflict in Unruhe. Interesting that they’re not even together in the car.


M: You did a good job Scully, you should be proud
S: I want to go home

He can tell she’s upset at the end of Leonard Betts, he just doesn’t understand why


S: So what else about this case interests you? Could it be visitors from space?

She knows him so well! Some light, good-natured teasing in Small Potatoes


M: Kill me now
S: 😊

A little whispered joking between friends in Detour


This scene in The Post-Modern Prometheus is really all about the unspoken communication


M: Buckle up Scully
S: Mulder he’s armed and well within his jurisdiction

Her caution balances his impulsiveness in The Red and the Black


S: 1991, that’s about when you started work on the X-Files
M: More or less, yeah

There’s clearly something Mulder isn’t saying in The End, and Scully senses it.


M: I think they went left
S: I don’t know why, I think they went right
M: *goes straight ahead* 5 years together Scully, how many times I been wrong? Never. Not driving anyway.

Maybe Mulder has learned when to compromise by Fight the Future, and also when to turn on the charm.


S: Mulder, what’s going on?

They’re not communicating very well in The Beginning


S: Don’t you ever just want to stop, get out of the damn car, settle down & live … a normal life?
M: This is a normal life

This conversation in Dreamland is so telling. They’re clearly having a good time. But M has told S he loves her. Maybe there’s more to life than the xfiles.


S: Mulder, tell me you didn’t call me out here on Christmas Eve to go ghost busting with you

He did. And she will. It’s what they do. How The Ghosts Stole Christmas


In Agua Mala, he’s lured by tales of sea monsters, she doesn’t believe they exist, and there’s a whole lot of bickering going on.


S: How well do you know this woman Mulder?
M: How well do you know anyone you meet on the internet? She likes to talk.
S: She’s enamored of you Mulder. Don’t under estimate a woman.

Is Scully jealous in Alpha? Yeah, probably. They have some feelings to deal with.


M: Bubble gum pink, that’d be a good color for you Scully

That’s a pretty intimate comment for Mulder to make in front of the X-COPS crew


S: Mulder lock your door
M: I don’t think it matters much Scully

By Essence they’ve been through so much and they’re so close to having what they want, but the danger’s still there. Would they even know how to live a normal life?


There are no words necessary for this conversation in The Truth


S: We’ve moved on with our lives
M: Yes we have, for better or for worse

It’s so heartbreaking seeing where they are in My Struggle, married but apart, after all they’ve been through.


S: Mulder, I’m here
M: He saved your life, Old Smokey. I suppose I should thank him
S: We’re gonna save your life

In My Struggle II, neither can accept a world without the other in it


S: Well, this is romantic
M: Innit?

They go on dates! Their relationship is looking pretty good by The Lost Art Of Forehead Sweat


S: Do we need gas?
M: I could use a bathroom

This exchange in Ghouli seems so mundane, but it’s a shorthand that speaks of a long history and deep understanding. They’re on the same page, and they both know it.


M: Skinner could be back there somewhere
S: Then why the hell are we driving away?
M: Pull over
S: What are you going to do?
M: What I hope Skinner would do for either of us

In Kitten we get a glimpse at the effect their relationship has had on Skinner


And finally, this bonus conversation in Kitten

M: Kiss me!

S: Later 😁

Mulder’s Microexpressions

A few months ago I was going through the camera roll on my phone, intending to delete unneeded pictures to free up storage space…for more pictures. You know how it goes. Anyway, I came across a gif I had made of Mulder when he first sees Diana Fowley in The End. With just a tiny tilt of the jaw and a blink, we can see that Mulder is surprised and intrigued. We see recognition but also a bit of caution. The look conveys so much; it’s really quite artful.

And I had several other gifs showing tiny movements which speak louder than words, so I decided to make a Twitter thread. My intent was to draw attention to David Duchovny’s acting abilities. By focusing on Mulder I am in no way discounting the importance or quality of Gillian Anderson’s skills as an actor and her ability to deliver withering glares, poignant glances, a perfect single tear, and Scully’s patented skeptical eyebrow lift. But Gillian’s acting brilliance is more universally recognized, while David gets criticized for being wooden and expressionless. I strongly disagree with that criticism and wanted to highlight just how much he’s able to communicate with his face.

My thread took on a life of its own and I ended up including some rather broad facial gestures in addition to the microexpressions, just because they’re so fun and really show David’s comedic bent. But here I want to focus on the truly small details that say so much. So, in no particular order, here are 15 of my favorite of Mulder’s Microexpressions.


This expression in Alpha might be my favorite. Mulder is feeling unsure of himself and slightly embarrassed. He misjudged a situation, was really sort of blindsided, and he’s still not sure what happened. And we get all that from the crease between his eyebrows.


They’ve just kissed for the first time in Millennium. They’ve been dancing around their feelings for each other for a long time and Mulder took a bold leap forward. He’s pleased with himself, but he needs to know Scully’s on the same page. His eyes search her face even as his lips can’t help but lift into the slightest smile.


At this moment in the Pilot, Scully seems to be all in. She agrees with Mulder’s theory and declares that she’s willing to put it in her report. He wants to believe, but he hesitates just long enough to search her face for any sign that he shouldn’t trust her. His eyes return to hers as he makes his decision.


In Fight the Future, Mulder is in the middle of a conversation with the evidence custodian when he spots Scully. His eyes lock on her, he lifts his face, and he takes a breath, letting us know he’s found the answer he’s looking for. (This one might make me a little emotional and melodramatic. Sorry)


At the end of Fight the Future, Mulder realizes that Scully knows they can’t be defeated as long as they’re in it together. You see it in his eyes and the little tilt of his lips.


Mulder visits Arthur Dales in The Unnatural with questions about aliens and government conspiracies. Dales seems…prone to confabulation…but Mulder can’t quite bring himself to dismiss the man’s stories. As strange as they seem, there might be something to them. So, as we see with this expression, he’ll go along for the ride and see what comes of it.


Mulder finally learns Samantha’s fate in Closure. This moment when he’s reading her journal is so painful for him. He doesn’t express that pain in words. He doesn’t need to. The way he purses his lips, clenches his jaw, and swallows communicates his struggle to process all the emotions he’s feeling.


In Chimera, Ellen Adderly asks Mulder if he has a significant other, encouraging him not to miss out on home and family. Mulder can’t hope to explain his relationship with Scully, and he really has no intention of trying. He averts his eyes and draws in his lips, conveying his intent to keep this information to himself.


In Je Souhaite, Mulder has one final wish, and he wants to use it to solve all the world’s problems. Scully gently suggests that maybe that struggle is the point of our existence and he shouldn’t try to wish that away. Her words hit him profoundly, and we see in Mulder’s expression not only frustration that he can’t achieve what he wants to but also realization that Scully is right.


In this scene from Two Fathers, Scully is trying to convince Mulder to look into what happened to Cassandra Spender. Mulder believes Jeffrey Spender’s request for assistance is a set up, but there’s also a chance to learn what happened to Scully on the bridge. He doesn’t respond to Scully with words, but we see the conflict play out across his face.


In Three Words, Mulder has returned from the dead to a life he’s not sure he recognizes. He’s uncertain whether Scully will be at his side or even on his side, so he’s taking matters into his own hands, searching for evidence in his typical unsanctioned way. We can see from the way he has his lips pulled in and the questioning, almost sarcastic lift of his eyebrows and tilt of his chin that he’s shutting Scully out, trying to protect himself until he has more answers.


This look in Folie a Deux might be a bit broad to classify as a microexpression, but I had to include it here because it’s so fun. Mulder thinks this investigation is a waste of time and he’s being none too subtle about that opinion.


We see a more seasoned Mulder in This. He’s a man who’s been through a lot with his partner and he knows what he likes. The forehead crease, narrowed eyes, and hint of a grin as he tells Scully she’s “adorbs” show us that he’s completely enamored of her and really kind of enjoying their adventure.


In this scene from F. Emasculata Mulder’s tired and extremely frustrated, and that sideways tilt of his eyes before he closes them and throws his head back show he’s resigned to the logic of what Scully is telling him, even if he doesn’t like it. It’s a bunch of microexpressions strung together into one gorgeous moment….And I didn’t even mention what his mouth is doing.


I don’t know about you, but this eyebrow wag in Drive could convince me to make all sorts of bad decisions. It sure works on Scully, and this smug SOB knows it.

If you want to check out my entire microexpressions thread, you can find it here:

Anyway…I never did clear out any storage space in my camera roll.

The Great Spreadsheet Rewatch

I don’t know who to credit for this amazing pic!

About 5 months ago I had the idea to create a spreadsheet to track some of the iconic details from The X-Files and then rewatch the series start to finish, scoring each episode and film. I’ve written about this project here and here Now that I’m finally finished, I want to share some of my observations.

First, I think it’s notable that the highest scoring episode is the Pilot, in which 23 of the details I consider iconic appeared. Only Fight the Future scored higher, with 24 points, but it’s a full length feature film. I find this amazing! So many of the details we came to identify as necessary to the show were there right from the start. A friend asked me if it’s possible that we look to the Pilot for what to expect, and that’s why the details we find iconic are the ones we see in that episode. It’s an interesting question. I think that’s true of things like “Spooky” and “Medical doctor”, or Scully performing an autopsy, or the basement office. But many of the details I’ve included in the spreadsheet are incidental to the story being told, like the random touches or Mulder’s rolled sleeves. Those details became just as important to the look and feel of the show, so I think their presence in the Pilot is a remarkable bit of consistency, especially for a show often criticized as lacking that feature.

My next observation is that generally mythology episodes score higher than monster of the week episodes. That’s not true across the board. Vince Gilligan’s stand alone episodes tend to score pretty high as do Darin Morgan’s episodes. It’s possible that the mythology episodes were the closest to a “formula” the series ever came and thus needed a certain look, while the monster of the week episodes could be more experimental. And both Vince Gilligan and Darin Morgan were masters at detail continuity, so it makes sense we would see a lot of these details in their episodes. This idea might be something I’ll explore further.

My top five favorite episodes scored pretty high. Paper Hearts and Memento Mori each scored 17 points, Requiem 15, Pusher 11, and Jose Chung’s From Outer Space 10. Not surprisingly, my least favorite episodes scored fairly low. Excelsis Dei, First Person Shooter, and Fight Club each scored 5 points. I can’t draw too many conclusions from these scores. I created the spreadsheet, so it makes sense that the episodes I love are going to be filled with the details I chose to focus on. There are a few lower scoring (<5) episodes that I like a lot, but no higher scoring (>17) episodes that I don’t love.

When I started this project I was curious whether the details I was focusing on could help pinpoint moments of change in the Mulder/Scully relationship (because for me it’s all about the MSR). I think I had some success with that. In Beyond the Sea Mulder calls Scully “Dana” for the first time. That and his reassuring random touches make me think this is when they go from being just partners to friends. As I’ve noted before, these two characters touch each other a lot. There are loads of little random touches, and those continue throughout the series. But in season 4 we start seeing more personal touches. The forehead kiss in Memento Mori makes it clear these two characters are more than friends; they’re necessary parts of each other’s whole. The forehead touch in Fight the Future is so intimate that we know their feelings have progressed even further. Scully pretty consistently “checks Mulder for head trauma” by ruffling his hair, but when Mulder touches Scully’s hair in Redux II and The Red And The Black, it’s because he’s facing the possibility of losing her. That intimate gesture shows his need to hold on. And when he repeats it in all things…well we know something’s about to happen.

I learned some things that surprised me while tracking these details. Scully doesn’t “not see” all that often (only 8 episodes). That’s about as often as Mulder loses his gun (9 episodes). Although I hear a lot of complaints that the show puts Scully in peril too often, the numbers show otherwise. Throughout the series Mulder is attacked or shot 66 times, while Scully is attacked or shot 47 times. And Mulder saves Scully a total of 18 times, but Scully saves Mulder a total of 17 times. I’d say that’s a pretty fair balance. Another fun realization: I knew Mulder and Scully rarely call each other by their first names, but I was surprised to learn that Scully only calls Mulder “Fox” twice in the entire series, and both instances were written/co-written by Glen Morgan.

I think the biggest surprise for me by far was how seldom Mulder places his hand on Scully’s lower back. I was under the impression that this was the most commonly used gesture in the series, and I expected to see it in almost every episode. It’s there right at the very beginning, and we see it in 13 episodes of the first season. But after that it’s pretty rare. I was so happy to see it make a reappearance in season 11.

Just a note about the scoring. When I created the spreadsheet I tried to choose details that could be identified objectively. I didn’t want to include anything that would require me to interpret a scene or a character’s motivations, partly because I wanted to be able to mark the spreadsheet quickly as I watched, and partly because I recognized that others might have different interpretations. But how do you know precisely when Mulder calling “Scully” becomes “Scuullllaaaayyy”? As I did my rewatch, it became clear I would have to make some judgment calls. For instance, I defined a “Mulder ditch” as any time Mulder went off without telling Scully where he was going or why, but someone else might also include any time Mulder did something even though Scully asked him not to. I counted times Mulder or Scully were shown in hotel rooms they were staying in but not times they were investigating a case in a hotel. I counted not only times Scully said “Mulder, it’s me” but also times Mulder answered the phone “Mulder” and Scully immediately said “It’s me” (and vice versa). So it’s quite possible that someone else using this same spreadsheet could come up with different scores.

Finally, I’d like to thank everyone who has followed along with this project. I loved your comments, encouragement, and suggestions for future spreadsheets. I loved when friends pointed out details they spotted or asked for answers based on the data I’d collected. You’ve helped make this whole effort extremely enjoyable!

So here it is, the completed spreadsheet. Take a look, and please let me know if you find any surprises or draw any interesting conclusions!

Filling the Gaps

One thing I love about The X-Files is that it often leaves questions unanswered. Not everything is wrapped up in a neat little package at the end of an episode, or season, or ever. I think the ambiguities make the show more interesting. It feels natural to have questions, and I love that the show doesn’t shy away from that.

One benefit to all these unanswered questions is they leave room for viewers to come up with head canons to fill in the gaps. This is especially true when it comes to the Mulder Scully Relationship. Almost every Shipper I know has a favorite MSR head canon or two. I’m no exception.

A lot of fans express their ideas through fanfic. I’ve spent uncounted hours reading and re-reading and loving these stories. I’m constantly blown away by the talent in this fandom, and I am extremely grateful that these fan/writers generously share their work with all of us. I’m also in awe of their ability to create situations for such well known characters in a way that makes them completely recognizable. I love how fanfic expands the universe of The X-Files.

I don’t write fanfic. I don’t know how to construct a story or develop a plot, and the idea of trying to create dialogue causes me endless amounts of stress. But for some reason lately I’ve felt compelled to write out some of my favorite head canons as sort of “non-fic fanfiction.” They’re almost completely lacking in story, plot, and dialogue. They’re more descriptions of what I think happened based on clues we see in the show, or in one case maybe just wishful thinking. They’re simply my attempts at filling the gaps.

My Most Unfortunate Head Canon

This theory solidified in my mind during my last rewatch and I had to write it down. Coincidentally, it was just before Admiralty posted her extraordinary fic, The Whole Truth Although we reach some of the same conclusions, there’s really no comparison. Her story is a brilliant work of art, intricately detailed, thoughtful, and completely true to the characters. If you haven’t read it yet, do yourself a favor and check it out. It’s truly beautiful.

I think Mulder had sex with Diana Fowley during The Beginning in Season 6. I know, I KNOW! It’s a horrible thought. I didn’t want to believe it, but the more I think about it the more evidence I find to support it. I wouldn’t characterize it as proof beyond a reasonable doubt, but certainly to my mind it’s established by a preponderance of the evidence. The good news is that it’s never explicitly mentioned in the show. So if you want to go on thinking it never happened, that’s perfectly legit. But here’s why I think it makes sense.

As background, I have to look at Fight the Future. In the hallway scene after Scully tells Mulder she has resigned from the FBI and argues that he never really needed her, Mulder makes a beautiful speech telling her how wrong she is. She’s kept him honest, she’s made him a whole person. As moving and heartfelt as his speech is, I don’t think it’s a declaration of love. It’s more of a declaration of “I don’t know exactly how I feel, but I don’t want to find out by losing you.” It was a reaction to the thought of losing Scully as a partner, as someone he has come to depend on. I think it’s significant that they were talking about their work, and when Mulder said “I owe you everything Scully, and you owe me nothing,” he was telling Scully what she’s meant to him in that work. It was an emotionally charged moment, and it would have led to kissing and sex if the bee hadn’t interfered. But they really weren’t ready for that step, because they hadn’t come to terms with how they felt about each other, and they certainly had never discussed it. The aftermath would not have gone smoothly in the long run.

But the bee interrupted them and Scully was abducted, and Mulder went to the ends of the earth to rescue her. And in doing so he found undeniable proof of the existence of aliens. But then Scully denied that they had proof! Mulder was pissed, and he felt utterly betrayed. Not just by Scully, but by Skinner, who voted against reinstating Mulder and Scully on the X-Files, and by Diana, who got the assignment.

But mostly, he was frustrated with Scully’s refusal to believe what he saw in Antarctica. He reminded Scully that he had saved her (“You would have seen them too, but you were passed out over my shoulder.”) I think at that point Mulder was thinking that before Antarctica he owed Scully everything and she owed him nothing, but now they’re even. Out of frustration and anger he also questioned whether he really needed Scully, since she never believed him anyway. Scully reminded Mulder that he said her science has kept him honest, and he responded that this time her science is wrong.

Just when Mulder is feeling his most frustrated, Diana Fowley reappears. She tells Mulder that she’s making sure someone on the X-Files is serving his interests, someone who believes in him. She reminds him that she and Mulder found the X-Files together, and she offers to work with him. Fowley tells Mulder she wants to help him find proof, not because she doesn’t believe but because she does and she wants to help him prove it. This is music to Mulder’s ears. So Mulder makes his choice to go with Diana, leaving Scully to care for Gibson Praise.  And Diana listens to him and agrees with his theories, and it feels so good to be deferred to for a change.

When Mulder and Diana are at the power plant, the situation gets a little scary, a little dangerous. Then they find the creature and Mulder is proven right. It’s exciting and validating, and there’s this huge adrenaline rush. Mulder is feeling really good right now, and that feeling gets associated with Diana.

It’s telling that in the middle of this scene Scully calls Mulder to tell him about the virus she found in Gibson Praise. Scully sees the virus as a step toward the proof they need, but Mulder doesn’t need any more proof. He shuts her out without telling her what he’s found.

After the power plant incident there’s a cut, and the next scene is back in Washington D.C. I think the sex happened between those two scenes. Mulder had just had this extremely exciting experience with Diana. She’s also told him she believes him and believes in him. They have a romantic history together and she’s showing signs that she’d like to rekindle that. I think they go back to her hotel and have sex.

Back in D.C., though, Mulder and Scully are ordered to cease all material association with the X-Files. And the next scene we see between Mulder and Scully is really tense and awkward. Scully tells Mulder that Fowley’s report makes no mention of Gibson, that it seems to protect everything but Mulder. Mulder defends Diana, pitting her against Scully, accusing Scully of asking him to make a choice between her and Diana. I don’t think that’s at all what Scully was doing, but I think Mulder is reacting this way because that’s what he’s going through in his head.

Scully hands Mulder a file and tells him what she found in the virus and in Gibson and apparently we’re all part extra-terrestrial, whatever. But then Mulder finally gets it. He understands that Scully never gave up on him, that she kept looking for proof because she wants the truth, which is the same thing he wants.

After this Mulder comes to his senses. I think it was this conversation with Scully, but I’m not really sure. I’ll have to think about that some more, or let someone else think about that. But he only had sex with Diana that one time in Arizona. (I think what Mulder says to Diana in his dream in Amor Fati supports this: “I sleep with you one time and you lay all this on me?”) At some point Mulder told Diana he wasn’t interested in resuming their relationship, and there was never going to be anything between them other than the past.

Then Mulder went to the Bermuda Triangle. His experience on the 1939 ship, the thought of never seeing Scully again, made him realize what he had to do. When he woke up and told Scully he loved her, he meant it, completely.

When Scully confronted Mulder with her suspicions about Diana in One Son, Mulder reacted childishly. He lashed out at Scully because he was embarrassed and even guilty that he had slept with Diana. Not because he wasn’t free to make that choice, but because he knew he made it for the wrong reasons and he regretted it. So in his childish response, he tried to shift “blame” to Scully, telling her she was making this personal, which was a really bonehead thing to say. The man may know he’s in love with Scully, but he hasn’t figured out how to convince her of that yet.

I haven’t come to any conclusions about Diana’s motivations. Like Scully, I don’t trust her. I don’t know if she had real feelings for Mulder at this point, or any point, or if he was just a means to an end. The show doesn’t give us enough information to go on, so I’ll leave that to the fandom’s talented fanfic writers.

What the Shadow Man Doesn’t Know

I’ve had this theory for quite a while but just recently put it into words in response to a conversation on Twitter.

After Mulder and Scully have sex for the first time in all things they fall asleep together in Mulder’s bed. When Scully wakes up a couple hours later she has a moment of panic. Not regret, just a need to process on her own before facing him. So she gets out of bed, goes to the bathroom to get dressed. Mulder is awake but doesn’t let her know this. He knows her, knows she has to process. He’s content to let this proceed at her pace. To him it’s just like her “oh brother” when he told her he loves her in Triangle. As she’s leaving she can’t help a little feeling of triumph. She did this. But she has to think about what it means, by herself, so she leaves.

They don’t see each other at work the next day, each called to separate duties. Maybe there’s a brief awkward moment in the office, but there’s not really time to say anything.

By the time Scully gets home, she has regrets. Not that they slept together, but that she left without saying goodbye, without talking. She’s restless. She decides she can’t let this wait a moment longer, so she calls Mulder. She stammers on the phone and wonders why it’s so awkward, it’s just Mulder. She manages to ask if he can come over, and he’s on the way before she even hangs up the phone.

Mulder arrives, still determined to follow Scully’s lead, so he doesn’t say anything about last night. He probably makes a stupid joke which falls flat. She starts talking a couple of times, but she can’t get to the point. He reaches out and touches her hand in encouragement. That’s all it takes. They end up in her bed, yadda yadda yadda.

Through all of this there is no mention of the night before. There’s still no talk of the future. They leave together the next morning, but there is no repeat performance in her apartment before Mulder is abducted.

When the Shadow Man tells Scully he knows that one lonely night she invited Mulder to her bed, Scully realizes that he has in fact been watching, but she also realizes that there’s a limit to his knowledge. He doesn’t know that that wasn’t their first time, and he doesn’t know there were other times after that.

You’re My Sweetheart

I came up with this post-Babylon head canon between seasons 10 and 11 as way of leaving Mulder and Scully reconciled. I altered it just a bit in light of Plus One, but I still think it works. It’s what I want to believe anyway.

The case wrapped up, and Mulder invited Scully over for dinner. Things have felt more comfortable between them since they started working together again. They’re on their way back to being them. There’s still so much to work through, but they’re both feeling like they’ll get there. It seems natural to spend some time together after work, so he asks and she says yes.

He waits for her on the porch listening to some music. The Lumineers aren’t his typical choice, but there’s something about this song, on this day, that just speaks to him.

Scully arrives and they start right away with their banter, and it’s so familiar and so comforting. Underneath it there’s a sense of reconciliation, of understanding, of connection. This, whatever it is, is right. They belong with each other.

Mulder invites Scully to walk with him. This was always something they loved about being out in the country, away from prying eyes. It was something they could share even when she could venture out into the world and he couldn’t. Again, this feels right, it feels like them.

They’re speaking from the heart, and though they’re not yet talking about their relationship, in their own way they’re acknowledging it. Mulder hears music. Not the trumpets of angels. No, it’s that song again. “I belong with you, you belong with me, you’re my sweetheart.” If there was ever a song that summed up in a trite phrase how he felt about Scully, that was it. He’s a little embarrassed about that sappy thought, but then he doesn’t care. He just wants to enjoy this moment. She wraps her arms around him, and he knows she feels the same.

They wander back to the house and she stops at her car to get the bottle of wine she brought. Inside, dinner smells delicious, but Mulder tells Scully it still has to cook for about an hour. He takes the wine from Scully to open it. “So we could…” he starts. Scully shocks herself by blurting out “we’ll think of something.” That was their little joke when they were on the run, filling countless hours by exploring each other’s bodies. Mulder stills, looks at Scully. He doesn’t want to presume that was her intent, is willing to let the comment pass as just a slip of the tongue. But Scully realizes she doesn’t want to let it pass. This is exactly what she wants. She reaches for Mulder, and they kiss passionately. He leads her up the stairs.

After, they both understand without saying that there’s a lot more work to do on their relationship. This was wonderful, and it was right, but it was right now. It’s a step in the direction they both want to head, even if they’re not sure how or when they’ll take the next one.

The Spreadsheet

A couple of weeks ago I was watching D.P.O., when I noticed that Scully was wearing sunglasses. It occurred to me that we don’t see that very often, so I took this pic and posted it on Twitter, commenting about how unusual it was.

Scully wearing sunglasses, in D.P.O.

That started a discussion about the many recurring details in The X-Files, and a lot of folks chimed in about the ways they’ve tracked them. Some use a journal or their phones to jot down noteworthy details as they watch. Some look for recurrence of just one or two specific items. A few of us suggested that a spreadsheet would be an effective way to keep track of all this data, and I decided that was exactly what I needed for my next rewatch.

I should mention that I’ve never created a spreadsheet before in my life. My brain isn’t really wired for that kind of information organization, and my eyes typically glaze over when I come across charts and graphs. So I guess that’s why this seems like a pretty big deal for me and why I felt compelled to blog about it (writing about my experience comes much more naturally).

I began collecting details to include and got LOTS of suggestions. I had over a hundred items on my list! I knew I’d never be able to track that many details in a single viewing, so I had to narrow it down a bit. I took out details that were sufficiently tracked elsewhere, such as recurring characters, and others that occurred too often to be considered noteworthy, like Scully’s cross (although times that Scully wasn’t wearing her cross could be an interesting detail to track…). Since my goal was to create a list of items I could track while watching every episode without stopping to analyze each scene, I removed items such as facial expressions (Scully’s eyebrow lift and Mulder’s eyebrow wag, various lip/tongue activities), tone of voice, and innuendo, which would take a closer examination or were subject to interpretation.

I ended up with 56 details on my list. That’s a lot, I know, but they’re all easy enough to spot so I think it’s manageable. I grouped them into categories to make tracking easier as I watch. Here’s the list:

Mulder it’s me
Scully it’s me
Mulder voiceover
Scully voiceover
Mulder “Dana”
Scully “Fox”
Medical doctor
Spooky Mulder    
sunflower seeds
Mulder’s porn
green acid blood
Scully autopsy
Scully doesn’t see
Mulder profiling
Mulder is shot/attacked
Scully is shot/attacked
Mulder in hospital
Scully in hospital
Scully saves Mulder
Mulder saves Scully
Mulder sport
Mulder touch/taste evidence
Mulder cries
Scully cries
sharing umbrella
Mulder loses gun
slide show
Mulder ditch
Mulder’s rolled sleeves
Mulder sunglasses
Scully sunglasses
Scully’s robe/pjs
Mulder’s pjs/sweats
Mulder turtleneck
Scully turtleneck
Mulder leather jacket
Scully leather jacket
Mulder t-shirt
Scully casual wear
Mulder topless
Mulder shorts/boxers  
Platonic activity
hand on lower back
forehead touch
forehead kiss
hair touches
random touches
Mulder’s apartment
Scully’s apartment
basement office
rental car
parking garage  

I scored a few random episodes to test out the spreadsheet, and I was able to track everything pretty easily. Moreover, it was really, really fun to do (admittedly I don’t get out much). So I’ve started my complete rewatch. I’m about halfway through Season 1, and one initial observation I’ve made is that the two most commonly occurring details are “random touches” and “Mulder’s rolled sleeves”. That’s really no surprise. I mean Mulder touches Scully a lot. A lot a lot a lot. And Mulder’s rolled sleeves are almost as ubiquitous as Scully’s cross. In fact, that’s a difficult detail to track since it’s so common.

Random touch, in Shadows

Mulder’s rolled sleeves, in Deep Throat

I’ve also thought of some details I wish I’d included in the spreadsheet, such as “1013” or “1121”, Mulder telling Scully “always”, a call to Danny, a trip to the forest, anyone saying “I want to believe”, a scene in a cemetery, an Elvis reference, a scene in a stairwell, and a reference to cattle mutilation. I guess those will go in a spreadsheet for my next rewatch!

So what will I do with all this data once it’s collected? The possibilities are endless!!! First thing that comes to mind is creating episode- or season-specific drinking games. That’s always fun. And imagine being able to answer whether Scully saved Mulder more often than Mulder saved Scully, or whether Mulder really lost his gun often enough to justify the ankle holster, or whether there was ever an episode where they DIDN’T touch in some way. Seems like essential information for an obsessed Phile, so it’s high time I started collecting it!

I’ll post periodic updates and share observations as I go along. I might even make some predictions and then report on how accurate they were. My goal for Season 1 is to see whether these details can be used to pinpoint the moment Mulder and Scully went from being just professional colleagues to friends. I’m also interested in identifying any details that seem iconic but really don’t occur very often. I’ll let you know what I find out.

I’d love some feedback on this project, so if you have thoughts or suggestions please let me know, either here or on Twitter!

Here’s a link to the spreadsheet for anyone who wants to follow my progress:

Father Figure

I’ve already written about Mulder’s mother, so I thought I’d tackle the topic of his father. Turns out that’s a much more complicated issue. One of the major themes in The X-Files is Mulder’s relationship to his various father figures. This will be the first in a three-part series looking at how Mulder was shaped by the presence, or absence, of a paternal role-model.

When getting started on this topic I tried to identify the attributes of a father so I could discuss who most filled this role for Mulder. The qualities that came to mind were biology, nurture, authority, wisdom, guidance, love, affection, protection, and provision. I’m not sure Mulder received all of these from any one figure in his life. The question for me was whether he received enough of them, at the right time, and who he turned to when he needed these qualities.

Deep Throat

The first father figure we’re introduced to is Deep Throat, in the episode named for this character. When Deep Throat first approaches Mulder he warns Mulder sternly to leave the case alone. He tries to give Mulder advice, but he doesn’t give Mulder any answers. Naturally, Mulder ignores him and investigates the case anyway. The dynamic we’re seeing here is that of a father and adolescent son. The father isn’t used to having to explain himself; he expects to be obeyed without question “because I said so.” The son is no longer satisfied with blindly following orders, however, and he starts to question the wisdom of his father, deciding to strike out on his own whether he’s fully prepared or not. In the end, Mulder has learned some things through his experience, but he needs the reassurance of this father figure that he’s on the right path. Deep Throat guides Mulder to the truth, asking him “Why are those who believe in extraterrestrial life not dissuaded by all the evidence to the contrary?” When Mulder answers correctly that “All the evidence to the contrary is not entirely dissuasive,” Deep Throat smiles like a proud father. He then rewards Mulder with the information that “They’ve been here for a long, long time.”

Deep Throat makes several appearances in Season 1, reinforcing his role as Mulder’s surrogate father. In Ghost in the Machine we see Mulder reach out to Deep Throat when he doesn’t have the clearance he needs to investigate the case. Deep Throat scolds Mulder for contacting him instead of waiting to be contacted, but the point is that when Mulder asked for help, he responded. His tone with Mulder is very parental, not giving answers but guiding Mulder with a series of questions that help him find the answers himself. At the end of the episode they are sitting together on a park bench, with Mulder seeking approval and Deep Throat providing reassurance.

Deep Throat offers Mulder protection in Fallen Angel, preventing the X-Files from being shut down. And he shows affection for Mulder in Eve, talking about taking in a ball game together, passing on information from his past as though sharing family history. In Young at Heart Deep Throat teaches Mulder about the facts of life, filling him in on the government’s involvement in genetic experiments.

In EBE we see that Mulder puts Deep Throat on a pedestal, commenting that Deep Throat could get them great seats if they were ever able to see a ball game together, telling Scully he trusts Deep Throat implicitly. But then Deep Throat misleads Mulder. Like a son learning for the first time his parent is fallible, Mulder is crushed and he confronts Deep Throat in anger. Deep Throat’s reaction mirrors Mulder’s. He appears angry and then hurt that Mulder is questioning him. When he tries to explain his hope that Mulder could set right the wrongs that have been committed, Mulder lashes out, asking “Who are you to decide that for me?” Mulder, the child, is becoming an adult, realizing he has to think for himself. Mulder now knows that Deep Throat is willing to lie to him and use him to accomplish his goals. Although Deep Throat claims to be admitting to dark secrets in hopes that Mulder can help him atone for his past, Mulder remains disillusioned.

In Erlenmeyer Flask we see Mulder as the adult son. He still trusts and respects Deep Throat, but he now sees him as a person, with flaws and limitations, rather than an omniscient god-like figure. Mulder challenges Deep Throat with a newfound confidence, acknowledging that he’s been the dutiful son, but showing they’re on equal footing now. In the end, Deep Throat works with Scully to save Mulder, but he takes the back seat in the endeavor, in recognition of the more significant role this adult relationship with a partner has in Mulder’s life. He passes on one more bit of fatherly advice, to Scully, telling her to “Trust no one.”

Mulder sees Deep Throat two more times, in visions. In The Blessing Way, Deep Throat is the first person Mulder encounters. He calls Mulder “friend” and urges him to live, to keep fighting monsters. This is someone Mulder clearly respects and trusts, someone whose guidance he needs and misses. Again, in Amor Fati, Deep Throat is the first person Mulder encounters in his dream, and Mulder is clearly happy to be reunited with him. They show affection as they talk of lessons learned from the past and hopes for the future. Regardless of the purpose of Mulder’s dream, it seems clear that in his mind Deep Throat is a beloved, trusted, and missed father figure.

It’s interesting that when we first meet Deep Throat, we know nothing about Mulder’s biological father. But the relationship Mulder develops with his mentor/informant suggests he was in need of a father figure. The only thing we know about Mulder’s childhood is that his sister was abducted when he was 12 years old. This family trauma must have disrupted Mulder’s bond with his father, and his relationship with Deep Throat seems to pick up at this point in his development, as he’s entering adolescence. Mulder’s connection with Deep Throat as a surrogate father helps him move forward into adulthood.

Deep Throat’s story arc is a beautiful illustration of Mulder’s progression from adolescence to adulthood. It starts with Mulder’s child-like dependency on Deep Throat for guidance, protection, and direction. As Mulder grows in confidence and understanding, his interactions with Deep Throat are strained, but there’s still an acknowledgement of the wisdom to be gained from history. Mulder the adult no longer needs constant supervision, but he can reflect back on what he’s learned from Deep Throat, bringing that wisdom with him as he moves from self-sufficiency to a committed partnership with Scully.

Flashback Friday

I’ve been working on my next post for a while, but it’s taking longer than I expected so it’s not ready to share yet. Also, I’ve been so distracted by planning for X-Fest that not much else is getting done! Since I don’t have anything new I thought I’d share a reflection I wrote a couple of years ago about the first time I met David Duchovny. It’s not about The X-Files, but I figure anything about David Duchovny is X-Files adjacent. This reflection was included in Bulletproof Iconic, a collection of blogs, letters, and pictures by fans thanking David for his music, fan contact, and inspiration in his 2017 US tour.

David Duchovny holding the Bulletproof Iconic collection, delivered in person by MelT

Since writing this reflection I’ve been lucky enough to attend another concert (Vancouver in October 2017) and see both David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson at a convention (Spooky Empire in October 2018). But my first time was such a wonderfully memorable experience, and revisiting it still makes me unbelievably happy.

Reflections on My Day with David Duchovny

First a note about the title.  I attended David Duchovny’s book discussion at Town Hall Seattle and his concert at The Crocodile on February 19, 2017.  And while it’s true that I actually spent more time waiting in line to see the man than in his actual presence, there wasn’t a moment of my day that wasn’t spent thinking about him, talking about him, listening to him, and best yet conversing with him (that may be overstating the nature of our interactions, but I’m going with it).  So as silly as it seems, I will always remember the day as the one I spent with David Duchovny.

Also, I’m only going to include my thoughts on two memories from the day.  There are many more, which my friends and family are by now tired of hearing about, but these two mean the most to me. 

Front row, ready to see David Duchovny in person for the first time ever!

My friend and I were early enough to the book discussion that we were able to get seats in the front row.  So when the discussion was opened to audience questions, I hopped right up and was first in line at the microphone on our side of the room.  I got to ask a question, and David answered it, and it was an incredible experience to have him talking right to me, looking right at me, responding to something I had asked. 

I asked David whether Miss Subways started as a screen play like his first two novels did. He said yes, although he thought it always should have been a novel.

But it gets better!  After the Q&A David was signing autographs.  There were 600 people in attendance, and we were told that David would sign books and CDs, but it would be just signatures, nothing personalized.  As we were waiting in line I could see that David was doing his best to look up and smile at each person before signing his autograph…and that smile…it was breathtaking….  Anyway, as I got to the front of the line someone took my book, opened it to the right page, and handed it to David to sign.  He looked up at me, gave me that smile, and then with a look of recognition said, “Oh, good question.”  I can’t even describe how thrilling that was!  Is that silly?  I don’t care.  David Duchovny smiled at me, recognized me, and complimented me!!! 

But what really struck me about the whole thing was that this could have felt like an impersonal assembly line, but David was being so gracious and doing his best to make it meaningful for the people standing in line, that I (and many others too I’m sure) left feeling like I’d had a personal interaction with this talented, beautiful man. 

There was a lot more waiting in line before the concert, but again we were front row for the big event.  I don’t have a lot of experience attending live music performances other than the symphony, and this was my first time at a club show.  It was … different… and I can’t honestly say I’d go to another…unless it was David Duchovny.  I love his music, and his high-energy performance didn’t disappoint. 

Photo by: Janeen Jenson
Fangirling in the front row

But again, what I was most struck by was his generosity.  It seemed that David was doing his best to make a personal connection with everyone in the crowd.  I had a moment which I feel was just for me, as I’m sure almost everyone in attendance did (even if it was the same moment). 

Photo by: me
I was that close!

For the second encore of the night, David and his band performed The Weight.  The song was an opportunity for David to show his appreciation to his amazingly talented band, and he did so in such a beautiful way that I’m getting teary again as I think and write about it.  Each band member sang a verse of the song, and as they did, David danced over to them and stood behind them as they sang, so the audience would focus on them.  David swayed behind them, rested his head on their shoulders, played with their hats, and it was so incredibly sweet.  Keaton Simons, who had opened for David, came on stage and joined David for the choruses.  They were really enjoying themselves, and again, it was incredibly sweet.  David’s moves across the stage were positively goofy and adorable, and he wasn’t trying to be the cool rock star, just the lovely man showing appreciation to his band and the audience.  Reliving this special moment makes me unbelievably happy. 


I went to Crypticon in Seattle on Friday night, and my experience was both very surreal and very real.

As soon as I learned that some major X-Files players would be at a con so close to my home I made plans to go. I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to see Mitch Pileggi, Nicholas Lea, and William B. Davis when they were practically coming to me! (Annabeth Gish was also scheduled to be there but, sadly, had to cancel at the last minute). But then I learned that my son had two short films selected to screen at the Crypticon film festival. There was no way I was going to miss this con!

I got there when the doors opened at 4:00 because I wanted enough time to see the X-Files stars before the film screening at 7:00. Turns out there was plenty of time. This was a much smaller con than the other two I’d been to, with no lines to wait in, and it didn’t really get busy until later. So I got my pictures with Mitch and Nick and WBD.

I also took a few pictures of them talking to other fans.

I was with my friend Dita, the wonderful lady who heads up the Mitch’s Pledgies fan group and coordinates their fund-raising efforts for No Kid Hungry. Dita was catching up with Mitch and taking pics for fans who came to the table. And we just sort of hung out and chatted with Mitch and Nick. Well I actually didn’t do a lot of chatting because I’m awkward AF, but I did manage to ask Mitch and Nick some questions, and I told them both about my son’s films, so I was extremely happy with the experience.

Then Dita told Mitch we were heading to dinner, and he said he’d probably join us in a bit. I thought that was really sweet but it would never happen. But then…it did! Mitch Pileggi and his assistant joined us for dinner!!! We sat and chatted and had dinner together for about a half hour before I had to leave for the film screening.

The conversation was just very real. We talked about families and home renovations and politics and travel. But it was also surreal. I was sitting across the table having dinner with the man whose face was on my shirt! Mitch is a lovely, sweet, funny and kind man, and the dinner was an amazing experience I’ll never forget.

I didn’t realize it, but my son had been in the bar and had seen this play out. As I walked out of the restaurant to head upstairs to the film screening room, my son caught up with me and asked “Did you just skip out on dinner with Mitch Pileggi to watch my film?!!!” I got a big hug and major mom points for that!

I know this is an X-Files blog, but I’m still a proud mom, so I’m including a link to one of my son’s films, Night of the Living Trees. It has a sort of Schizogeny vibe to it, so that’s a bit of an X-Files connection.

Coming To Terms

I’m a shipper. Die hard, true blue, to the core shipper. I have been since I saw my very first episode of The X-Files in 1994 (The Host). I have always found the Mulder/Scully Relationship to be the most compelling part of the show, the thing that makes everything else about the show more interesting.

Office banter, in Jersey Devil

I knew from the very start that The X-Files appealed to different people for different reasons. My husband started watching early in Season 1, and he kept trying to get me to watch with him, saying it’s this great show about aliens, and the paranormal, and government cover ups…it just didn’t sound like something I needed to watch. I was pregnant, tired, not going to stay awake on a Friday night for that. When I finally gave in and watched with him, I realized the show he had been describing was not the show I was seeing. To be fair, I do love all those elements that appealed to him, but it’s The Ship that drew me in and kept me coming back.

What does the term Shipper mean?

I first heard the term shipper when I started engaging with the fandom prior to the revival in 2016. I wasn’t part of the online fandom during the original run of the show. It just didn’t fit into my life at the time. I was lucky if I got to watch the show as it aired every week. Once I dove into social media fandom, though, I realized that a line had been drawn at some point between shippers and non-shippers. (Even as I write that I understand there are going to be people who want to tell me the correct term is noromo, not non-shipper. I promise, I’ll get there.)

The first definition of shipper I heard was something along the lines of “someone who wants Mulder and Scully to have sex, on screen, and believes they’ve been having sex since day 1.” It was said facetiously, I get that. But I’ve had that definition in the back of my mind ever since. I think it’s what makes a lot of people feel defensive about calling themselves shippers, and what makes other people look down on those of us who identify with that segment of the fandom. But it’s really not what I mean when I say I’m a shipper.

Working together even when they’re not, in The Host

I call myself a shipper because it was the relationship between Mulder and Scully that drew me into the show and made me want to keep watching. As I said, my first episode was The Host. Mulder and Scully were not even working together at the time, but they were so clearly important to each other. They trusted each other, they valued each other, and they liked each other. That’s compelling stuff. I wanted more of that. I wanted to see these two agents solve cases and search for the truth and fight for what’s right, and I wanted to see them do it together. It was a beautiful depiction of a partnership.

That partnership developed into a deep and abiding friendship. In so many of the early episodes we get to see Mulder and Scully having fun together, teasing each other, caring for each other, helping each other. War of the Coprophages to me is a perfect example of the scope of the Mulder/Scully friendship. Mulder calls Scully when he’s in the mood for a philosophical discussion, he calls her when he needs her expert advice, he calls her when he can’t sleep, and he confides in her about an early moment of self-discovery. He also hangs up on her when he thinks there’s a prospect of romance with someone else. Scully spends her night off talking to Mulder, researching the answers he needs. She drops everything when she thinks he’s in danger and drives up to lend a hand. These are things you do with your best friend.

Late night confession, in War of the Coprophages

I remember reading an article about The X-Files some time around early Season 4 with a kind of “will they or won’t they” focus, and I was genuinely surprised. At that point it had never occurred to me that there were romantic possibilities. It’s odd to think about that now, looking back, knowing how the relationship developed, but at the time I saw them as platonic partners and friends. Now, like many shippers I can go back to any episode from any season and point out “shipper moments,” and it’s fun to speculate as to how early Mulder and Scully realized they were in love. But when I’m honest with myself, I don’t think they were aware of any romantic feelings between them until Fight the Future. I think the almost kiss in the hallway came as a surprise to both of them.

The almost kiss, in Fight the Future

Incidentally, I was thrilled with the Fight the Future hallway scene. I was so glad they almost kissed, and so relieved that it was interrupted by that bee. I wanted to see them work through more before they became involved romantically. I’m a huge fan of angst and the slow burn, and we get plenty of that in The X-Files. Fight the Future got them re-evaluating their feelings for each other. After that I can’t help but focus on the romantic nature of the relationship.

How can you not ship them?

It’s easy for me to understand different perspectives among people who consider themselves shippers. There was amazing chemistry between David and Gillian from the start, with looks and touches that could readily be characterized as sexual. And there’s enough ambiguity in the stories that plenty of interpretations are feasible. What was harder for me to understand was how anyone could watch the show and not be a shipper. Did some people think there was never any romance between Mulder and Scully? How could they think that, given what we see in all things, Existence and The Truth (I won’t even get into the flirting in Season 7). It finally occurred to me that I needed to ask people what they mean when they say they’re not shippers. So I did.

The most perfect scene ever, in Requiem

Several people told me they’re just not interested in the relationship. It’s there, but that’s not why they watch the show. My husband is one of these. He loves the stories and the cases and the conspiracies; the rest is unimportant. Among that group there were some who felt that the episodes suffered in quality once the show started exploring the romantic relationship.

Others told me that they wish the relationship had never become romantic. They see Mulder and Scully as partners, friends, and soul mates, with a unique platonic relationship which makes them, and the show, more interesting. The show was different from other shows because of the way the relationship was portrayed, and it moved toward mediocrity when romance was introduced. Interestingly, some in this group expressed that Mulder and Scully should not be involved with anyone else romantically. They seem focused on the artistic impression of the show, and they like the idea that the Mulder/Scully relationship could be an ideal.

The ideal friendship, in Memento Mori

What I didn’t find was any group of people who believed the Mulder/Scully relationship never became romantic, which is what I always thought noromo or non-shipper meant. There were plenty of people who felt the show would have been better without a romantic element, but no one who denied it existed.

Aren’t we all in the same boat?

I’m so glad I engaged in these conversations! I realized that not only does ship mean different things to different shippers, but it means different things to non-shippers. Most of all I was struck, as I often am, with how this show can appeal to so many different people for so many different reasons. I’ve never come across another show like it in that respect. It presents complex ideas with complex characters who don’t fall easily into the stereotypical romantic pairing, and it leaves room for viewers to interpret what we see and gather meaning from it. So I’ve come to terms with the fact that we don’t all ship Mulder and Scully in the same way. And really, that’s one of the great strengths of the show.


X-Files Revival Premiere cake

Here it is. This is what started it all. My BFF Tami knew how excited I was about The X-Files revival, so she had this amazing cake made for me to celebrate the premiere. Sitting on top were the Mulder and Scully action figures that would become the first pieces in my collection. For a long while they were my only pieces. They were fun. I enjoyed having them in my office. But I didn’t need any more. After all, I’m not a collector.

But then…well there was an eBay auction of X-Files memorabilia for Gillian Anderson Charities. That really appealed to me. I could buy one little piece of the show I loved and benefit a worthy cause at the same time, and that would be enough. I placed the winning bid on this, an autographed call sheet and sides from the last day of shooting on The Truth. I had it framed. It was beautiful.

Suddenly I was off. I bought some Funko Pop figures, some issues of TV Guide featuring The X-Files, J.J.Lendl’s Arcadia poster. I went from having an X-Files Corner in my office, to an X-Files Wall, to needing to rearrange furniture and add shelves.

I started wondering if I was going overboard. Do reasonable people spend money on mementos from a 90s TV show? If not, do I want to be a reasonable person? I did some soul searching, asking myself why I felt the need to build this collection. I knew I wasn’t interested in profit. I had no intention of selling these items that brought me so much joy. Then I finally realized that was the key. Joy. This collection, much like my engagement with the X-Files fandom, was bringing me joy.

What’s more, I was bringing that joy into my work day. I work as an appellate attorney representing people who can’t afford counsel. I spend my days immersed in a lot of miserable situations, and it can get to me. But surrounded by my collection I can pause, look around, and see little reminders of my favorite show. And suddenly my day is a bit brighter and I can carry on.

So I embraced my addiction to collecting, and I went kind of wild. I bought some action figures here, some artwork there, scripts, books, coffee mugs (so many coffee mugs). My friends and family embraced it too, adding to my collection for every occasion, or for no occasion at all but just to make me happy. Along the way I learned a few things.

a few of the treasured gifts I’ve received from loved ones

There’s an amazing amount of talent dedicated to X-Files art

I’m constantly blown away by the gorgeous X-Files art I encounter, by incredibly talented artists using their gifts to create art out of their love for the show. It brings me joy to support this work, and by far my favorite thing to collect is X-Files art, whether posters, hand-lettering designs, comic books, stickers, or buttons. My office is filled with these treasures.

I’ve experienced so much generosity

One thing that has surprised and delighted me is the spirit of giving in the X-Files artistic community. I look at a calendar every day created by fan artists who donated their creations in support of Women for Women International. I have also been gifted with wonderful works by Catherine Nodet, Cortlan Waters Bartley, Alison King, Audrey Loub, and JJ Lendl. This generosity has inspired me to give back. I have no artistic ability. I won’t be creating works of art for anyone. But I give in ways I can, supporting favorite causes of artists associated with The X-Files.

Clockwise from center: silk screen print from Cortlan Waters Bartley, X-Files card from Catherine Nodet, Christmas Fox card from Alison King, Irresistible sketch from Audrey Loub,
and Scully portrait from Catherine Nodet
J.J. Lendl gifted me with this Paper Hearts poster to complete my mini shrine to my favorite episode

Memorabilia for a cause

A large portion of my collection was acquired through online auctions to support charities. I’m a sucker for eBay charity auctions and will always bid on something. It’s the only way I’ll purchase memorabilia.

Autographed Fight the Future poster, proceeds to the American Cancer Society in memory of Kim Manners

Some things are worth remembering

Last but by no means least, my collection contains photos. To be sure, I’m thrilled I’ve had the opportunity to meet and have photos taken with several X-Files stars, and those photos are featured in my collection. But just as treasured are photos with friends I’ve made through the X-Files fandom and was lucky enough to meet IRL.

So I don’t know if I have anything profound to say to wrap this up. People have asked about what I collect and why, and I’ve tried to answer that here. I guess my takeaway from thinking about this topic is that I feel happy every time I enter my office, and that’s not a bad thing.