Considering Her Cancer

My favorite run of episodes in The X-Files is the cancer arc, which I usually think of as Leonard Betts through Detour. I don’t love every episode in that run, but for the most part those are the episodes that move me the most.

I know there’s a bit of controversy about whether Never Again should be considered a cancer arc episode. It was originally produced to air before Leonard Betts, and so arguably Scully’s actions in Never Again were not intended to be a reaction to Betts’ revelation that she has cancer. To my mind, though, the story that’s told on screen is the story. So even if that story changes from what the writers intended because of the order in which the episodes aired, the story ultimately presented to viewers is canon. I’ll draw conclusions from what’s implied within the episodes, but I won’t dismiss any part of the show as it was presented to viewers based on behind the scenes discussions and decisions. Because Leonard Betts aired before Never Again, and there’s nothing within the episodes to indicate they occurred in a different order (as in Unrequited, where the chyron sets the episode in November) then for me, it’s canon that Scully had already encountered Betts by the time she went to Philadelphia in Never Again.

But even without the revelation in Leonard Betts, there were signs in Never Again that Scully was considering her cancer. The episode starts and ends with a focus on the dead rose petal Scully picks up and places on Mulder’s desk. This image can be interpreted as a sign of Scully’s mortality. Scully even picks an argument with Mulder, asking why she doesn’t have a desk, when it’s not really about the desk. She’s asking herself, “Is this all my life has come to? I don’t even have a desk!”

In my opinion, the order of those two episodes doesn’t really change anything. I think Scully already suspected she had cancer before Leonard Betts, and that suspicion colored a lot of the decisions she was making at the time. Yes of course Scully was considering her cancer when she had sex with Ed Jerse, but that would have been true whether she had encountered Leonard Betts or not. While Leonard Betts highlighted this concern, it’s oversimplifying the story to say that the events in Never Again were triggered solely by what we saw in Leonard Betts. Scully had been heading toward Ed Jerse or someone like him for a while, but it wasn’t just the cancer diagnosis that led her there.

From the time Scully discovered the chip in her neck in The Blessing Way, we’ve seen Scully struggling with three important issues. First, she’s considering her own mortality and the increasing likelihood that she has or at some point will have cancer. Second, she’s also trying to figure out her relationship with Mulder, whether it’s personal or just professional, whether she wants more than she has, and whether Mulder wants the same thing. And third, she’s bridling at the knowledge that she’s not in control of her life and looking for ways to take back that control. Here’s how I see these issues presented, and why I think Scully would have made the same choices she made in Never Again regardless of when she encountered Leonard Betts.

The Blessing Way

Scully discovers a chip implanted in her neck. She has no recollection of it being placed there, and the reminder that she had no agency unsettles her enough that she follows Melissa’s suggestion to try regression hypnosis. In her session she remembers that she was powerless and afraid she would die, and she calls off the session to avoid dealing with those memories. Toward the end of the episode Scully has a vision of Mulder. He tells her she was looking for a truth that was taken from her, a truth that binds them together in a dangerous purpose. He’s returned from the dead to continue with her, but he feels the danger is close at hand and he may be too late. I think this vision can be seen as Scully’s premonition of her impending death, or at least a sign that she’s subconsciously pondering her mortality. Indeed, this idea is reinforced when she meets the Well Manicured Man, who tells her that someone is going to kill her, that she’s been deemed expendable.

Paper Clip

When Scully learns her sister has been shot, Mulder stops her from going to the hospital. She tells him she has to go, he tells her she can’t, and she accedes. She knows he’s right, they’ll be looking for her at the hospital. Although she’s devastated, she puts aside her personal feelings and needs for the sake of the cause.

After Mulder and Scully find the files, with a recent tissue sample from Scully to reinforce the fact that someone else had taken control of her without her consent, they meet with Skinner. Skinner offers to make a deal, to trade the digital tape to guarantee their safety, and Mulder’s automatic response is to refuse. He wants to search for the truth about what happened to his sister and his father and Scully. But Scully is more focused on the immediate personal impact. She needs to see her sister. Mulder leaves the decision to Scully, and she tells Skinner to make the deal, but not until Mulder agrees. She compromises her personal needs for Mulder’s cause. Only at that point does Mulder say he’s sorry about her sister. He’s been so focused on the search that he hadn’t yet considered what Scully was going through.

Scully arrives at the hospital too late, her sister has already died. She and Mulder both say they need to work, to deal with their personal losses, but they have different motivations. Mulder still sees value in finding the truth about what happened. Scully needs to know why it happened. She and Mulder are on the same quest, even if she doesn’t believe what he believes. This difference is significant. In many respects, the search for the truth is enough for Mulder, it is his life. But Scully needs more. She’s willing to devote her life to it for personal reasons, but it’s always the reasons that matter more than the search. Her personal autonomy, her family, and Mulder will always mean more to her than the abstract truth.

Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose

Scully tells Mulder about The Stupendous Yappi’s prediction, “He said that the killer doesn’t feel in control of his own life. That’s true of everyone at times.” It’s such a revealing little comment. This episode, while comedic in tone, deals with the themes of predetermined death and hopelessness, and it sets up very well the concerns Scully is starting to have. Scully tells Mulder that by thinking he can see the future, Bruckman has taken all the joy out of his life. I think Scully remembers this observation about Bruckman when she starts to believe she has cancer, and when she considers that her fate is in the hands of others. She makes the decision to pursue joy, or at least momentary pleasure.

Oubliette

Scully seems particularly judgmental and lacking in empathy toward Lucy, a woman who was previously abducted and who is now feeling what the victim is feeling. Scully’s attitude seems to be a way of distancing herself from these victims, so as not to have to feel what they’re feeling. She doesn’t want to think of herself as a victim. Scully accuses Mulder of being so close to the case that he doesn’t see his personal identification with it. This is an ironic accusation, as she seems to be distancing herself in order to avoid identifying with the victims. In the end, Scully grabs Mulder, desperately trying to stop his attemp to revive Amy, but he pushes her away. On the surface this is very odd. As a doctor Scully wouldn’t give up so soon. She would know there was a chance Amy could still be revived and Mulder’s efforts were appropriate. But I think this scene is a clue that Scully is now resigned to her own death, and her relationship with Mulder is going to be impacted.

Nisei

When Scully goes to Betsy Hagopian’s house to investigate the MUFON members, they recognize her as one of them. Scully is shocked when they mention her abduction, but as much as she tries to deny the connection, she knows it’s true. Their descriptions of their experiences trigger memories of her own. These women all have implants, and Scully learns that Betsy has cancer, tumors that won’t respond to treatment. Penny tells her they’re all dying because of what was done to them. Scully is not ready to talk about this with them, and she leaves.

The person Scully wants to talk to is Mulder, but when she tries, he shuts her down. It’s not clear whether this is because he’s focused on his part of the investigation or because he just doesn’t want to face the possibility that something could be wrong with Scully. He says, “But you’re fine, aren’t you Scully?” She responds, “Am I? I don’t know Mulder…It was freaky.” Mulder acknowledges the news is disturbing but encourages her not to freak out until she has more information. He’s not exactly dismissive. He’s concerned, but he fails to see how important this is to her. Scully sighs, like she’s not happy with this, like she’s used to it, like she’s ready for a change.

Their continued conversation is very telling. Scully shifts focus from her concerns to Mulder’s, telling him she’s seen Ishimaru, the man in the picture. He does dismiss her this time, relying on what he thinks he knows rather than what she’s telling him. Mulder is looking for proof of a scheme to create alien/human hybrids, but he refuses to listen to what Scully is telling him, when what she’s saying could actually provide the proof he needs. Instead he accuses her of being close-minded, “After all you’ve seen, why do you refuse to believe?” Scully tells him believing is easy, but she needs proof. He’s stunned, “You think believing is easy?” There’s clearly a disconnect here. It’s not just a difference in perspective but a failure to understand, and it’s creating a barrier between them. Mulder tells Scully he’s relying on information from someone like her who wants proof, but who’s also willing to believe. This is such a slap in the face. Scully has made it clear time and again that she is willing to act on his beliefs, even without the proof she needs. His rejection here is painful. She feels it, and she shuts down, not telling him she remembers Ishimaru from her abduction.

Scully is starting to understand that she’s still under the control of those who abducted her. She starts feeling the need to take back control, to rebel against expectations. This feeling of rebellion gets associated with Mulder, not because she blames him for what happened to her. She knows she made the choice to be part of this work, and she doesn’t put that on him. But so often he leads while she follows, she puts aside her theories for his, she does what he wants, and so when she feels the need to push back, it’s against him.

731

Scully is devastated when she learns from Pendrell that the chip could be monitoring thoughts, no doubt remembering all the time it was implanted in her without her knowledge. At the Hanson’s Disease center Scully learns that the same doctor who did tests on her was responsible for hundreds of deaths there. He would round people up in groups, and the ones who were returned always came back worse. This is an obvious parallel to the abductions of the MUFON women, who are dying of cancer, and Scully can’t help but come to the conclusion she faces the same fate. At that point Scully is abducted again and brought to the First Elder. She realizes he knows everything about her and undoubtedly was responsible for the implant in her neck. She struggles against his control over her, demanding answers, but it’s clear she’s still at his mercy. He offers her information. He’s serving his own agenda, but it’s all she has, and she uses it to help Mulder.

Revelations

The divide between Mulder and Scully grows here. Mulder is completely dismissive of Scully’s beliefs because they’re based on faith, and she’s clearly bothered by his dismissal. When she tells him about the signs she’s seeing he actually laughs. She asks, “How is it you’re able to go out on a limb whenever you see a light in the sky, but you’re unwilling to accept the possibility of a miracle?” Mulder responds, “I wait for a miracle every day, but what I’ve seen here has only tested my patience, not my faith.” When Scully asks him, “What about what I’ve seen?”, he has no answer. He completely disregards her question. Scully concludes that Mulder is unable to consider her perspective, even to the detriment of an investigation. Thus, later, when Scully’s intuitive leap proves correct, she can’t talk to Mulder about it and instead talks to a priest. This trip to the confessional could also signify that Scully is returning to her faith in light of her impending death. It’s been six years since her last confession, but she’s seeking comfort from the church now.

War of the Coprophages

The friendly banter, the jokes, the late night confessional phone call all show what Mulder is capable of being to Scully, the potential their relationship has. It’s clearly more than professional. But the episode also shows that Mulder is interested in other women. He sees Scully as a friend. She’s his best friend, a trusted friend, the friend he ditches when the possibility of a little romance turns up. Scully comes off as slightly jealous, and it’s entirely possible she’s realizing she wants more than friendship. She wants some romance herself. At this point she has to be questioning whether she’ll get what she wants from Mulder or will have to look elsewhere.

Syzygy

Again, Scully sees Mulder showing interest in another woman. It’s not completely clear whether he’s actually interested in Detective White, but that’s exactly how Scully sees it. Mulder is a horny beast, and Scully would prefer to be the object of that obsession. There’s obviously some underlying antagonism here as well. Mulder seems to be making light of Scully’s concerns about the investigation, and Scully deliberately ignores evidence that Mulder points out. While the syzygy is the catalyst, the discord is clearly present in their relationship, and they haven’t yet addressed it.

Pusher

In Never Again, Scully tells Mulder they seem to go two steps forward and three steps back. Pusher is one of their steps forward, filled with wonderful relationship moments. But it provides some notable revelations as well. The episode is about people losing control when an outsider pushes his will onto them. We learn that Scully can’t be so easily controlled. She is going to push back. We also see that Mulder cares more about Scully than about himself, when it comes to personal safety. He can be pushed to pull the trigger at his own head but he fights with everything he’s got when Scully is the target. Scully of course notices this. She’s still left wondering whether he cares more about the quest than about her, though.

Quagmire

This episode strikes me as an important turning point for Scully. When they’re on the boat, Mulder tells Scully his philosophy is “seek and ye shall find” and Scully returns that there are monsters in uncharted territory. Is the uncharted territory their personal relationship? It seems that Mulder is comfortable with the idea of facing any obstacles as they arise. Scully, on the other hand, wants some assurances that she won’t get hurt by doing so. Mulder sees hope in the possibilities, but Scully has a death sentence hanging over her and sees the unknown as more ominous. She’s willing to follow Mulder without proof when it comes to their work, but when it’s personal she wants evidence that her faith isn’t misplaced.

That brings us to the Conversation On The Rock. Scully has a sudden realization about Mulder: he’s Ahab. He’s so consumed by his personal vengeance against life that everything takes on a warped significance to fit his megalomaniacal cosmology. Ouch. Scully seems to be weighing whether a personal relationship with her will ever fit into Mulder’s plans, whether she will ever be worth his time. The fact that Mulder responds with “Scully are you coming on to me?” drives home the point that he understands this is personal, this is about them, but he’s not ready to get serious. Scully concludes by telling Mulder that whether the truth or a white whale, both obsessions are impossible to capture “and will only leave you dead along with everyone you bring with you.” Her impending death is never far from her mind these days. This conversation raises issues Mulder and Scully will have to deal with in order to make any progress in a personal relationship. Scully realizes Mulder isn’t ready for that step, he still has other priorities. While she wants a relationship with him, she doesn’t want less than all of him. She doesn’t want to compromise with Mulder, so she might have to settle for meeting her short term needs with someone else.

Wetwired

In this episode we, the viewers, see how much Scully means to Mulder. He’s absolutely devastated when he believes he has to identify her dead body. It’s a heartbreaking moment, made even more heartbreaking by the fact that Scully doesn’t see it. In fact, we learn that Scully is afraid that Mulder doesn’t trust her, that he’s been working behind her back, keeping things from her, lying to her from the beginning. These fears highlight her frustration with what she perceives as Mulder’s unwillingness to include her in his life and in his work. Scully accuses Mulder of being one of the people who abducted her, who put the implant in her neck. She says she thought he was going to kill her. While all these fears and accusations come out when Scully is in an altered state, it’s clear that the implant and its implications are always on her mind.

Talitha Cumi

Scully is shocked when Mulder attempts to connect his mother’s stroke to the case they’re investigating. This is further evidence to her that Mulder is completely focused on the work, the search for the truth, to the detriment of personal relationships. She has to be asking herself, if his mother doesn’t come before the work, can she?

Herrenvolk

Mulder ditches Scully without a second thought, although he did really believe the Bounty Hunter was dead. But he wasn’t, and Scully is once again held captive, with her life threatened, due to Mulder’s quest. When Mulder calls her, she tells him she’s right where he left her because he wouldn’t answer his phone and she didn’t know what to do. Scully is being held hostage by the Bounty Hunter, but she clearly blames Mulder for her situation, for the fact that she has no control over what’s happening to her. This loss of control is further emphasized by Scully’s discovery that people are being inventoried through their small pox vaccines. While this discovery has global implications, Scully makes it by biopsying her own small pox scar. This is personal. Her need to take back control, to rebel against the feeling of helplessness, is growing stronger.

Unruhe

Scully is experiencing unrest in her relationship with Mulder. They’re not on the same page with this case, just as they’re not on the same page with their personal expectations. Mulder wants to know more about Schnauz just for the sake of knowing, it’s his quest for the truth that motivates him. But when they’re too late to save the second victim, Scully is feeling frustrated, uncomfortable, and useless, and she just wants to get out of there. In the same way, Mulder treats his relationship with Scully as a curiosity, willing to let it develop as it will, seemingly unconcerned where it ends up. But Scully is becoming frustrated with the lack of progress, and she might be ready to give up on him.

Scully’s abduction by Schauz is also significant. Once again, Scully’s control is taken from her. Schnauz tells Scully the howlers live inside her head, pointing to the place where her tumor will be found. He tells her she can’t wish them away, she needs help, and this proves to be true. Although Scully shows herself to be strong, intelligent, and resourceful, she’s unable to save herself and needs Mulder to rescue her. This man who doesn’t seem willing to put her first is the one she has to depend on. It doesn’t escape her notice that Mulder is there when she needs him, and he’s able to save her because he’s willing to pursue answers to questions she didn’t want to ask. Scully knows Mulder is the right person for her. She just wants to know that he knows it too.

Leonard Betts

Leonard Betts, the man who needs cancer to survive, tells Scully she has something he needs. This is the first direct reference to Scully’s cancer, and it’s likely that most viewers are taken by surprise by this revelation. But Scully isn’t surprised. She doesn’t tell Mulder what Betts said, but she knows it’s true. She’s resigned. When she experiences the nosebleed later that night, it’s probably the first physical confirmation of her disease. What up to this point has been an ominous consideration is now a confirmed reality.

Never Again

When we first see Scully she is wandering away from Mulder, who is following yet another unlikely lead. Scully approaches the Vietnam Veterans Memorial and picks up a petal from a dying rose. This scene suggests she’s choosing to take control over her life, or what’s left of it, regardless of what Mulder decides to do. When Mulder criticizes her behavior, Scully asks why she doesn’t have a desk. She wants to know that he values her, but he doesn’t seem to understand what she needs. When Scully tells Mulder that his work has become her life, he asks, “You don’t want it to be?” He takes it for granted that they want the same things, but they’ve never really talked about it. Scully is just as guilty of drawing conclusions about what Mulder wants without ever really talking to him about it.

We’ve seen Scully draw the conclusion that she wants more out of their relationship than Mulder is ready to give her. She sees him as a potential life mate, but the problem is she’s running out of life. As Scully sees it, she’s not going to get what she needs from Mulder, so she’s going to pursue what she can get, and Ed Jerse seems like a good substitute. Scully almost accepts Ed’s invitation to dinner, but then she has second thoughts and backs down. But then Mulder calls her, taking for granted that she would be following his instructions, questioning her judgment, and laughing at the idea that she would have a date, and Scully pushes back. She tells Mulder she has everything under control, hangs up, and calls Ed.

Although it’s not directly mentioned in the episode, it’s easy to see Scully’s cancer influencing this choice. Never Again focuses on Scully’s frustration with Mulder and her need to feel in control for a change. But all three of these factors have been at play in Scully’s life for some time, leading her to this moment.

At the end of Never Again Mulder is trying to understand what happened, asking Scully if she did all this because he didn’t get her a desk. Scully tells him not everything is about him, this is her life. Mulder responds, “Yes, but it’s m—.” In his mind, her life is his life too. He can’t imagine one without the other, and he assumed she felt the same way. In fact, she does, but they’ve never talked about what they mean to each other and what they want for their future. I think Scully’s experience in Never Again changes that, if just a little. At the beginning of Memento Mori, Scully tells Mulder about her cancer diagnosis, and she makes sure he knows he’s the only one she’s called. This is a shift, a first step. Scully is sharing something deeply personal with Mulder, the most important person in her life, because she’s the most important person in his. It’s fitting that we see this happen directly after the events in Never Again.

The Great Spreadsheet Rewatch

I don’t know who to credit for this amazing pic!

About 5 months ago I had the idea to create a spreadsheet to track some of the iconic details from The X-Files and then rewatch the series start to finish, scoring each episode and film. I’ve written about this project here https://myxfilesobsession.home.blog/2019/12/05/the-spreadsheet/ and here https://myxfilesobsession.home.blog/2020/01/23/its-all-about-the-random-touch/. Now that I’m finally finished, I want to share some of my observations.

First, I think it’s notable that the highest scoring episode is the Pilot, in which 23 of the details I consider iconic appeared. Only Fight the Future scored higher, with 24 points, but it’s a full length feature film. I find this amazing! So many of the details we came to identify as necessary to the show were there right from the start. A friend asked me if it’s possible that we look to the Pilot for what to expect, and that’s why the details we find iconic are the ones we see in that episode. It’s an interesting question. I think that’s true of things like “Spooky” and “Medical doctor”, or Scully performing an autopsy, or the basement office. But many of the details I’ve included in the spreadsheet are incidental to the story being told, like the random touches or Mulder’s rolled sleeves. Those details became just as important to the look and feel of the show, so I think their presence in the Pilot is a remarkable bit of consistency, especially for a show often criticized as lacking that feature.

My next observation is that generally mythology episodes score higher than monster of the week episodes. That’s not true across the board. Vince Gilligan’s stand alone episodes tend to score pretty high as do Darin Morgan’s episodes. It’s possible that the mythology episodes were the closest to a “formula” the series ever came and thus needed a certain look, while the monster of the week episodes could be more experimental. And both Vince Gilligan and Darin Morgan were masters at detail continuity, so it makes sense we would see a lot of these details in their episodes. This idea might be something I’ll explore further.

My top five favorite episodes scored pretty high. Paper Hearts and Memento Mori each scored 17 points, Requiem 15, Pusher 11, and Jose Chung’s From Outer Space 10. Not surprisingly, my least favorite episodes scored fairly low. Excelsis Dei, First Person Shooter, and Fight Club each scored 5 points. I can’t draw too many conclusions from these scores. I created the spreadsheet, so it makes sense that the episodes I love are going to be filled with the details I chose to focus on. There are a few lower scoring (<5) episodes that I like a lot, but no higher scoring (>17) episodes that I don’t love.

When I started this project I was curious whether the details I was focusing on could help pinpoint moments of change in the Mulder/Scully relationship (because for me it’s all about the MSR). I think I had some success with that. In Beyond the Sea Mulder calls Scully “Dana” for the first time. That and his reassuring random touches make me think this is when they go from being just partners to friends. As I’ve noted before, these two characters touch each other a lot. There are loads of little random touches, and those continue throughout the series. But in season 4 we start seeing more personal touches. The forehead kiss in Memento Mori makes it clear these two characters are more than friends; they’re necessary parts of each other’s whole. The forehead touch in Fight the Future is so intimate that we know their feelings have progressed even further. Scully pretty consistently “checks Mulder for head trauma” by ruffling his hair, but when Mulder touches Scully’s hair in Redux II and The Red And The Black, it’s because he’s facing the possibility of losing her. That intimate gesture shows his need to hold on. And when he repeats it in all things…well we know something’s about to happen.

I learned some things that surprised me while tracking these details. Scully doesn’t “not see” all that often (only 8 episodes). That’s about as often as Mulder loses his gun (9 episodes). Although I hear a lot of complaints that the show puts Scully in peril too often, the numbers show otherwise. Throughout the series Mulder is attacked or shot 66 times, while Scully is attacked or shot 47 times. And Mulder saves Scully a total of 18 times, but Scully saves Mulder a total of 17 times. I’d say that’s a pretty fair balance. Another fun realization: I knew Mulder and Scully rarely call each other by their first names, but I was surprised to learn that Scully only calls Mulder “Fox” twice in the entire series, and both instances were written/co-written by Glen Morgan.

I think the biggest surprise for me by far was how seldom Mulder places his hand on Scully’s lower back. I was under the impression that this was the most commonly used gesture in the series, and I expected to see it in almost every episode. It’s there right at the very beginning, and we see it in 13 episodes of the first season. But after that it’s pretty rare. I was so happy to see it make a reappearance in season 11.

Just a note about the scoring. When I created the spreadsheet I tried to choose details that could be identified objectively. I didn’t want to include anything that would require me to interpret a scene or a character’s motivations, partly because I wanted to be able to mark the spreadsheet quickly as I watched, and partly because I recognized that others might have different interpretations. But how do you know precisely when Mulder calling “Scully” becomes “Scuullllaaaayyy”? As I did my rewatch, it became clear I would have to make some judgment calls. For instance, I defined a “Mulder ditch” as any time Mulder went off without telling Scully where he was going or why, but someone else might also include any time Mulder did something even though Scully asked him not to. I counted times Mulder or Scully were shown in hotel rooms they were staying in but not times they were investigating a case in a hotel. I counted not only times Scully said “Mulder, it’s me” but also times Mulder answered the phone “Mulder” and Scully immediately said “It’s me” (and vice versa). So it’s quite possible that someone else using this same spreadsheet could come up with different scores.

Finally, I’d like to thank everyone who has followed along with this project. I loved your comments, encouragement, and suggestions for future spreadsheets. I loved when friends pointed out details they spotted or asked for answers based on the data I’d collected. You’ve helped make this whole effort extremely enjoyable!

So here it is, the completed spreadsheet. Take a look, and please let me know if you find any surprises or draw any interesting conclusions!

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1e7CncmlTvT-wUPd8y8Lt3svnJTthhEd83gl-QKKSCZs/edit?usp=sharing

Filling the Gaps

One thing I love about The X-Files is that it often leaves questions unanswered. Not everything is wrapped up in a neat little package at the end of an episode, or season, or ever. I think the ambiguities make the show more interesting. It feels natural to have questions, and I love that the show doesn’t shy away from that.

One benefit to all these unanswered questions is they leave room for viewers to come up with head canons to fill in the gaps. This is especially true when it comes to the Mulder Scully Relationship. Almost every Shipper I know has a favorite MSR head canon or two. I’m no exception.

A lot of fans express their ideas through fanfic. I’ve spent uncounted hours reading and re-reading and loving these stories. I’m constantly blown away by the talent in this fandom, and I am extremely grateful that these fan/writers generously share their work with all of us. I’m also in awe of their ability to create situations for such well known characters in a way that makes them completely recognizable. I love how fanfic expands the universe of The X-Files.

I don’t write fanfic. I don’t know how to construct a story or develop a plot, and the idea of trying to create dialogue causes me endless amounts of stress. But for some reason lately I’ve felt compelled to write out some of my favorite head canons as sort of “non-fic fanfiction.” They’re almost completely lacking in story, plot, and dialogue. They’re more descriptions of what I think happened based on clues we see in the show, or in one case maybe just wishful thinking. They’re simply my attempts at filling the gaps.

My Most Unfortunate Head Canon

This theory solidified in my mind during my last rewatch and I had to write it down. Coincidentally, it was just before Admiralty posted her extraordinary fic, The Whole Truth https://archiveofourown.org/works/21234686/chapters/50558084. Although we reach some of the same conclusions, there’s really no comparison. Her story is a brilliant work of art, intricately detailed, thoughtful, and completely true to the characters. If you haven’t read it yet, do yourself a favor and check it out. It’s truly beautiful.

I think Mulder had sex with Diana Fowley during The Beginning in Season 6. I know, I KNOW! It’s a horrible thought. I didn’t want to believe it, but the more I think about it the more evidence I find to support it. I wouldn’t characterize it as proof beyond a reasonable doubt, but certainly to my mind it’s established by a preponderance of the evidence. The good news is that it’s never explicitly mentioned in the show. So if you want to go on thinking it never happened, that’s perfectly legit. But here’s why I think it makes sense.

As background, I have to look at Fight the Future. In the hallway scene after Scully tells Mulder she has resigned from the FBI and argues that he never really needed her, Mulder makes a beautiful speech telling her how wrong she is. She’s kept him honest, she’s made him a whole person. As moving and heartfelt as his speech is, I don’t think it’s a declaration of love. It’s more of a declaration of “I don’t know exactly how I feel, but I don’t want to find out by losing you.” It was a reaction to the thought of losing Scully as a partner, as someone he has come to depend on. I think it’s significant that they were talking about their work, and when Mulder said “I owe you everything Scully, and you owe me nothing,” he was telling Scully what she’s meant to him in that work. It was an emotionally charged moment, and it would have led to kissing and sex if the bee hadn’t interfered. But they really weren’t ready for that step, because they hadn’t come to terms with how they felt about each other, and they certainly had never discussed it. The aftermath would not have gone smoothly in the long run.

But the bee interrupted them and Scully was abducted, and Mulder went to the ends of the earth to rescue her. And in doing so he found undeniable proof of the existence of aliens. But then Scully denied that they had proof! Mulder was pissed, and he felt utterly betrayed. Not just by Scully, but by Skinner, who voted against reinstating Mulder and Scully on the X-Files, and by Diana, who got the assignment.

But mostly, he was frustrated with Scully’s refusal to believe what he saw in Antarctica. He reminded Scully that he had saved her (“You would have seen them too, but you were passed out over my shoulder.”) I think at that point Mulder was thinking that before Antarctica he owed Scully everything and she owed him nothing, but now they’re even. Out of frustration and anger he also questioned whether he really needed Scully, since she never believed him anyway. Scully reminded Mulder that he said her science has kept him honest, and he responded that this time her science is wrong.

Just when Mulder is feeling his most frustrated, Diana Fowley reappears. She tells Mulder that she’s making sure someone on the X-Files is serving his interests, someone who believes in him. She reminds him that she and Mulder found the X-Files together, and she offers to work with him. Fowley tells Mulder she wants to help him find proof, not because she doesn’t believe but because she does and she wants to help him prove it. This is music to Mulder’s ears. So Mulder makes his choice to go with Diana, leaving Scully to care for Gibson Praise.  And Diana listens to him and agrees with his theories, and it feels so good to be deferred to for a change.

When Mulder and Diana are at the power plant, the situation gets a little scary, a little dangerous. Then they find the creature and Mulder is proven right. It’s exciting and validating, and there’s this huge adrenaline rush. Mulder is feeling really good right now, and that feeling gets associated with Diana.

It’s telling that in the middle of this scene Scully calls Mulder to tell him about the virus she found in Gibson Praise. Scully sees the virus as a step toward the proof they need, but Mulder doesn’t need any more proof. He shuts her out without telling her what he’s found.

After the power plant incident there’s a cut, and the next scene is back in Washington D.C. I think the sex happened between those two scenes. Mulder had just had this extremely exciting experience with Diana. She’s also told him she believes him and believes in him. They have a romantic history together and she’s showing signs that she’d like to rekindle that. I think they go back to her hotel and have sex.

Back in D.C., though, Mulder and Scully are ordered to cease all material association with the X-Files. And the next scene we see between Mulder and Scully is really tense and awkward. Scully tells Mulder that Fowley’s report makes no mention of Gibson, that it seems to protect everything but Mulder. Mulder defends Diana, pitting her against Scully, accusing Scully of asking him to make a choice between her and Diana. I don’t think that’s at all what Scully was doing, but I think Mulder is reacting this way because that’s what he’s going through in his head.

Scully hands Mulder a file and tells him what she found in the virus and in Gibson and apparently we’re all part extra-terrestrial, whatever. But then Mulder finally gets it. He understands that Scully never gave up on him, that she kept looking for proof because she wants the truth, which is the same thing he wants.

After this Mulder comes to his senses. I think it was this conversation with Scully, but I’m not really sure. I’ll have to think about that some more, or let someone else think about that. But he only had sex with Diana that one time in Arizona. (I think what Mulder says to Diana in his dream in Amor Fati supports this: “I sleep with you one time and you lay all this on me?”) At some point Mulder told Diana he wasn’t interested in resuming their relationship, and there was never going to be anything between them other than the past.

Then Mulder went to the Bermuda Triangle. His experience on the 1939 ship, the thought of never seeing Scully again, made him realize what he had to do. When he woke up and told Scully he loved her, he meant it, completely.

When Scully confronted Mulder with her suspicions about Diana in One Son, Mulder reacted childishly. He lashed out at Scully because he was embarrassed and even guilty that he had slept with Diana. Not because he wasn’t free to make that choice, but because he knew he made it for the wrong reasons and he regretted it. So in his childish response, he tried to shift “blame” to Scully, telling her she was making this personal, which was a really bonehead thing to say. The man may know he’s in love with Scully, but he hasn’t figured out how to convince her of that yet.

I haven’t come to any conclusions about Diana’s motivations. Like Scully, I don’t trust her. I don’t know if she had real feelings for Mulder at this point, or any point, or if he was just a means to an end. The show doesn’t give us enough information to go on, so I’ll leave that to the fandom’s talented fanfic writers.

What the Shadow Man Doesn’t Know

I’ve had this theory for quite a while but just recently put it into words in response to a conversation on Twitter.

After Mulder and Scully have sex for the first time in all things they fall asleep together in Mulder’s bed. When Scully wakes up a couple hours later she has a moment of panic. Not regret, just a need to process on her own before facing him. So she gets out of bed, goes to the bathroom to get dressed. Mulder is awake but doesn’t let her know this. He knows her, knows she has to process. He’s content to let this proceed at her pace. To him it’s just like her “oh brother” when he told her he loves her in Triangle. As she’s leaving she can’t help a little feeling of triumph. She did this. But she has to think about what it means, by herself, so she leaves.

They don’t see each other at work the next day, each called to separate duties. Maybe there’s a brief awkward moment in the office, but there’s not really time to say anything.

By the time Scully gets home, she has regrets. Not that they slept together, but that she left without saying goodbye, without talking. She’s restless. She decides she can’t let this wait a moment longer, so she calls Mulder. She stammers on the phone and wonders why it’s so awkward, it’s just Mulder. She manages to ask if he can come over, and he’s on the way before she even hangs up the phone.

Mulder arrives, still determined to follow Scully’s lead, so he doesn’t say anything about last night. He probably makes a stupid joke which falls flat. She starts talking a couple of times, but she can’t get to the point. He reaches out and touches her hand in encouragement. That’s all it takes. They end up in her bed, yadda yadda yadda.

Through all of this there is no mention of the night before. There’s still no talk of the future. They leave together the next morning, but there is no repeat performance in her apartment before Mulder is abducted.

When the Shadow Man tells Scully he knows that one lonely night she invited Mulder to her bed, Scully realizes that he has in fact been watching, but she also realizes that there’s a limit to his knowledge. He doesn’t know that that wasn’t their first time, and he doesn’t know there were other times after that.

You’re My Sweetheart

I came up with this post-Babylon head canon between seasons 10 and 11 as way of leaving Mulder and Scully reconciled. I altered it just a bit in light of Plus One, but I still think it works. It’s what I want to believe anyway.

The case wrapped up, and Mulder invited Scully over for dinner. Things have felt more comfortable between them since they started working together again. They’re on their way back to being them. There’s still so much to work through, but they’re both feeling like they’ll get there. It seems natural to spend some time together after work, so he asks and she says yes.

He waits for her on the porch listening to some music. The Lumineers aren’t his typical choice, but there’s something about this song, on this day, that just speaks to him.

Scully arrives and they start right away with their banter, and it’s so familiar and so comforting. Underneath it there’s a sense of reconciliation, of understanding, of connection. This, whatever it is, is right. They belong with each other.

Mulder invites Scully to walk with him. This was always something they loved about being out in the country, away from prying eyes. It was something they could share even when she could venture out into the world and he couldn’t. Again, this feels right, it feels like them.

They’re speaking from the heart, and though they’re not yet talking about their relationship, in their own way they’re acknowledging it. Mulder hears music. Not the trumpets of angels. No, it’s that song again. “I belong with you, you belong with me, you’re my sweetheart.” If there was ever a song that summed up in a trite phrase how he felt about Scully, that was it. He’s a little embarrassed about that sappy thought, but then he doesn’t care. He just wants to enjoy this moment. She wraps her arms around him, and he knows she feels the same.

They wander back to the house and she stops at her car to get the bottle of wine she brought. Inside, dinner smells delicious, but Mulder tells Scully it still has to cook for about an hour. He takes the wine from Scully to open it. “So we could…” he starts. Scully shocks herself by blurting out “we’ll think of something.” That was their little joke when they were on the run, filling countless hours by exploring each other’s bodies. Mulder stills, looks at Scully. He doesn’t want to presume that was her intent, is willing to let the comment pass as just a slip of the tongue. But Scully realizes she doesn’t want to let it pass. This is exactly what she wants. She reaches for Mulder, and they kiss passionately. He leads her up the stairs.

After, they both understand without saying that there’s a lot more work to do on their relationship. This was wonderful, and it was right, but it was right now. It’s a step in the direction they both want to head, even if they’re not sure how or when they’ll take the next one.

it’s all about the random touch

I’ve been doing a complete rewatch of The X-Files, using a spreadsheet to track how often 57 specific details appear in each episode. I wrote about how and why I started the project here: myxfilesobsession.home.blog/2019/12/05/the-spreadsheet/ I’ve finished the first three seasons, and I thought it was a good time to look at the data I’ve gathered and make some observations.

episode scores

I assign a score to every episode by counting one point for each of the details I find. I don’t track when a detail occurs more than once, because that just gets too difficult. The highest score in Season 1 is the Pilot, with 23 points. In fact, that remains the highest scoring episode in the first three seasons. I’m currently in the middle of Season 4 and I haven’t found an episode that scores higher. I’m still blown away by this fact: so many of the details we find iconic were present in the very first episode! Space and Roland both scored 3 points, the lowest for the season. The remaining episodes averaged about 10 points.

In Season 2 End Game, the first episode penned by Frank Spotnitz, takes the high score at 22 points. The lowest score is F. Emasculata, with 3 points. In between there’s a greater range of scores than in Season 1, from 4 to 17 points, but again the average score is 10 points.

Apocrypha scores the highest in Season 3, with 17 points. Three episodes come in a close second with 15 points each: Nisei, War of the Coprophages, and Grotesque. Hell Money scores the lowest, with 5 points. The average score of the remaining episodes is 8.5 points.

Okay, I’m boring myself with these numbers, so let’s talk about the good stuff.

iconic phrases

Scully doesn’t say “Mulder it’s me” even once in the first season, and Mulder says “Scully it’s me” only twice. This trope starts to take off in season 2, though, and we see Scully using it more often than Mulder. Mulder tends to start talking as soon as Scully answers the phone, whereas Scully will occasionally even say “Mulder it’s me” in person. If you throw in the number of times Mulder calls “Scullaayyy!” they’re about even.

agents in peril

I think the show often gets knocked for over-using the “Scully in peril” scenario, so I found the numbers very interesting. In Season 1 Mulder and Scully are each attacked 8 times, Scully saves Mulder 3 times, and Mulder saves Scully 3 times. Mulder is attacked more often than Scully in Season 2, 12 times to her 10, although her abduction is more significant than anything that happens to him in the season. Scully rescues Mulder twice, and he rescues her 4 times. And then in Season 3, Mulder is attacked 9 times and Scully only 3, and they save each other 1 time a piece. I’m just not seeing a trend that places one agent in danger over the other, although that could change moving forward.

clothing, places, and things

Mulder rolls up his sleeves so often that I get distressed in episodes where he wears a jacket or overcoat the whole time. I know he’s got to be uncomfortable! For Scully, there are quite a few episodes in Season 1 that show her in casual wear (10), usually while she’s writing reports in her apartment. As the show moves away from Scully voiceovers, though, we see less of Scully away from the office and therefore less of casual!Scully (5 times each in Seasons 2 and 3).

Aside from the basement office, we see Mulder and Scully most often in rental cars. I had to make a call in tracking this detail. In many episodes you can see the “Lariat” sticker on the car, and so that clearly counts. (Yes, I have been known to freeze the episode, take a screen cap, and enlarge, just to check for that “Lariat” sticker!) In other episodes we see them driving, but there’s no clear indication that the car is a rental. I count that detail if the case is far enough away from Washington D.C. that they wouldn’t have driven but not if they’re within driving distance of their office.

Flashlights appear too often to be interesting, and I’m almost sorry I included that detail in the spreadsheet. Although the count just solidifies why the flashlights make such an iconic image.

last, but not least, the touches

This category held some surprises for me as well. When I think of Mulder and Scully, I think of him placing his hand on her lower back as they walk out of a room or down a hall. I expect to see that in every scene, or at least every episode. So I was really kind of surprised how seldom that actually happens. It’s fairly common in Season 1, occurring in 13 episodes. But it happens only 6 times in Season 2 and only twice in Season 3!

But that’s okay, because we’ve got the random touch. This is by far my favorite detail to track because there are so many variations on this theme, from a shoulder grab, to an arm squeeze, to a cheek tap, and more. Mulder touches Scully, Scully touches Mulder, in almost every episode. These two are just really touchy, and I’m here for it. Moving into Season 4 and beyond, as their relationship grows, we’ll start to see some of the more personal touches, and those are wonderful too. But these little random touches, which often serve no purpose other than a quick connection, are really the heart of the show for me.

Here’s a link to my spreadsheet if you want to follow along:

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1e7CncmlTvT-wUPd8y8Lt3svnJTthhEd83gl-QKKSCZs/edit?usp=sharing

And I tweet #randomtouch pictures almost daily, so check them out. On Twitter I’m CathyG@CatherineGlins2

What’s That Supposed to Mean?

Mulder and Scully have a history of speaking in riddles. Their words often don’t express what they’re really feeling, leaving us to ask one of Mulder’s favorite questions, “What’s that supposed to mean?” I find this an endearing quality for the most part. These are complicated characters, and it wouldn’t make sense if their innermost thoughts and feelings came pouring out of their mouths in a way that left no room for us, or them, to question what they mean. But sometimes I need a little more clarity. Sometimes I wish they would just come out and say what they really mean!

This feeling struck me the hardest after THAT SCENE in Plus One. You know which one I mean. The scene with a conversation that just seemed so off, so wrong, so confusing and unsatisfying but then led to a very satisfying reunion. So what did I miss? What were they really saying to each other? I actually had to sit down and translate the scene for myself to make any sense of it, focusing on their facial expressions and body language. And I found it helped. In fact it was really kind of cathartic. So I decided to give it a shot for some of their more enigmatic exchanges. I’ve chosen some lighter moments, just for a bit of fun. Maybe I’ll do an angstier version later.

Tooms

What they said

Mulder: They’re out to put an end to the X-Files, Scully. I don’t know why, but any excuse will do. I don’t really care about my record, but you’d be in trouble just sitting in this car, and I’d hate to see you carry an official reprimand in your career file because of me.

Scully: Fox. …

Mulder: (chuckles) I, I even made my parents call me Mulder, so … Mulder.

Scully: Mulder, I wouldn’t put myself on the line for anybody but you.

Mulder: If there’s an iced tea in that bag, could be love.

What they meant

Mulder: I’d hate to see you carry an official reprimand in your career file because of me. I meant it when I said you could be head of the Bureau someday. I don’t want to stand in your way.

Scully: Our work is more important to me than any career advancement; you’re more important. I need to make you understand that, Fox …

Mulder: That look on your face is scaring me, so I’m going to back off a bit. I need to keep you at arm’s length for now because I may be getting too attached to you, and that won’t do you any good.

Scully: I don’t scare that easily MULDER. I need you to understand, so I’m going to be very clear. I wouldn’t put myself on the line for anybody but you.

Mulder: I’m a little overwhelmed by my feelings and your honesty, so I need to make a joke, but I hope you understand. Iced tea or not, it could be love.

Triangle

What they said

Mulder: Scully, I love you.

Scully: Oh brother.

Mulder: *enigmatic smile*

What they meant

Mulder: I know this isn’t the best time, and maybe you’re not ready to hear it, but I can’t stand the thought that something could happen and I missed my chance to tell you. So you’re going to laugh this off or pretend you think I’m delirious, and that’s okay. You do what you need to do. But what I need to do right now, without waiting another minute, is tell you that I love you.

Scully: Now? You’re going to tell me that right now? When I don’t even know if you’re lucid? But that look on your face, the tone of your voice, I could almost believe you mean it…I’m not ready for this Mulder! I need to process, I need time to think. I…I…I’m not ready for this.

Mulder: *will be waiting when she’s ready*

Existence

What they said

Mulder: What are you gonna call him?

Scully: William, after your father.

Mulder: *meaningful look*

Scully: *soft smile*

Mulder: Well, I don’t know. He’s got your coloring and your eyes, but he looks suspiciously like Assistant Director Skinner.

*Both laugh softly*

Scully: I don’t understand Mulder. They came to take him from us, why they didn’t.

Mulder: I don’t quite understand that either, except that maybe he isn’t what they thought he was. That doesn’t make him any less of a miracle though, does it?

Scully: From the moment I became pregnant I feared the truth, about how, and why. And I know that you feared it too.

Mulder: I think that what we feared were the possibilities. The truth we both know.

Scully: Which is what?

Mulder: *Leans in to kiss Scully*

Mulder and Scully: *Kiss, softly at first but then digging in*

What they meant

Mulder: What are you gonna call him?

Scully: William. That should be sufficiently frustrating to those idiots at the Bureau betting on who’s the father, with all the Williams in both our families. But we’ll be sure anyone who needs to know understands he’s named after your father.

Mulder: *It’s up to you whether you want to tell anyone Scully. It always has been.*

Scully: *It’s been nice keeping this to ourselves, but we can let others in on the secret now.*

Mulder: I don’t know, he looks a little like Skinner. I wonder if anyone bet on him in the pool.

*Both chuckle softly. They’ve been joking about this for a while.*

Scully: I don’t understand Mulder. They came to take him from us, why they didn’t.

Mulder: I don’t quite understand that either, except that maybe he isn’t what they thought he was. That doesn’t make him any less of a miracle though, does it?

Scully: From the moment I became pregnant I feared the truth, about how, and why. And I know that you feared it too.

Mulder: We’d been told this wasn’t possible for us, and we’ve been through so much that we had to wonder how it happened. But in the end, that just doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is what we already know.

Scully: Which is what? I need a little more reassurance after all we’ve been through.

Mulder: *We love each other and we have a baby*

Mulder and Scully: *That’s our truth, and no one can take that from us.*

Plus One

What they said:

Scully: Can you hold me?

Mulder: Yeah, I can do that.

Scully: What’s gonna happen?

Mulder: What’s gonna happen when?

Scully: When we’re old.

Mulder: What do you mean “when”?

Scully: I mean, sooner or later we’re gonna retire, and …

Mulder: I’ll come push your wheelchair with my wheelchair.

Scully: *chuckles* That’s not what I mean.

Mulder: Oh I’ll always be around, Scully, offering bullet proof theories of genius that you fail to assail with your inadequate rationality.

Scully: And I’ll always be around to prove you wrong. No, but that’s not what I mean.

Mulder: What do you mean?

Scully: What if you meet someone? What if you meet someone younger who wants to have kids?

Mulder: Oh, that’s what you mean. Well…you could do the same. You could meet someone and have kids.

Scully: *laughs* That’s not gonna happen.

Mulder: That’s nonsense.

Scully: No it’s not. I’m at the end of that journey.

Mulder: Do you want to have more kids?

Scully: Well, I would have liked to have had another one.

Mulder: Mm. At the risk of sounding insensitive, what’s stopping you?

Scully: Mm…besides the fact that the first time was a miracle? And besides the fact that I don’t have anyone to have one with even if I could?

Mulder: You’re a woman of science.

Scully: *laughs* Mulder, sometimes I think the world is going to hell and we’re the only two people who can save it.

Mulder: The world is going to hell Scully, the president working to bring down the FBI along with it.

Scully: What if we lose our jobs?

Mulder: Yeah, then what would we do?

Scully: We’ll think of something.

What they meant:

Scully: What would you think if I told you I wanted to come back? I don’t just want to work with you; I want to be with you. Do you still see me that way?

Mulder: That’s what I’ve been waiting for. Are you sure that’s what you want?

Scully: We make sense together. I don’t want anyone else, I never have. I think I’m ready to start over with you.

Mulder: I’ll always be here Scully. It’s your move.

Scully: Let’s get it on.

Coming To Terms

I’m a shipper. Die hard, true blue, to the core shipper. I have been since I saw my very first episode of The X-Files in 1994 (The Host). I have always found the Mulder/Scully Relationship to be the most compelling part of the show, the thing that makes everything else about the show more interesting.

Office banter, in Jersey Devil

I knew from the very start that The X-Files appealed to different people for different reasons. My husband started watching early in Season 1, and he kept trying to get me to watch with him, saying it’s this great show about aliens, and the paranormal, and government cover ups…it just didn’t sound like something I needed to watch. I was pregnant, tired, not going to stay awake on a Friday night for that. When I finally gave in and watched with him, I realized the show he had been describing was not the show I was seeing. To be fair, I do love all those elements that appealed to him, but it’s The Ship that drew me in and kept me coming back.

What does the term Shipper mean?

I first heard the term shipper when I started engaging with the fandom prior to the revival in 2016. I wasn’t part of the online fandom during the original run of the show. It just didn’t fit into my life at the time. I was lucky if I got to watch the show as it aired every week. Once I dove into social media fandom, though, I realized that a line had been drawn at some point between shippers and non-shippers. (Even as I write that I understand there are going to be people who want to tell me the correct term is noromo, not non-shipper. I promise, I’ll get there.)

The first definition of shipper I heard was something along the lines of “someone who wants Mulder and Scully to have sex, on screen, and believes they’ve been having sex since day 1.” It was said facetiously, I get that. But I’ve had that definition in the back of my mind ever since. I think it’s what makes a lot of people feel defensive about calling themselves shippers, and what makes other people look down on those of us who identify with that segment of the fandom. But it’s really not what I mean when I say I’m a shipper.

Working together even when they’re not, in The Host

I call myself a shipper because it was the relationship between Mulder and Scully that drew me into the show and made me want to keep watching. As I said, my first episode was The Host. Mulder and Scully were not even working together at the time, but they were so clearly important to each other. They trusted each other, they valued each other, and they liked each other. That’s compelling stuff. I wanted more of that. I wanted to see these two agents solve cases and search for the truth and fight for what’s right, and I wanted to see them do it together. It was a beautiful depiction of a partnership.

That partnership developed into a deep and abiding friendship. In so many of the early episodes we get to see Mulder and Scully having fun together, teasing each other, caring for each other, helping each other. War of the Coprophages to me is a perfect example of the scope of the Mulder/Scully friendship. Mulder calls Scully when he’s in the mood for a philosophical discussion, he calls her when he needs her expert advice, he calls her when he can’t sleep, and he confides in her about an early moment of self-discovery. He also hangs up on her when he thinks there’s a prospect of romance with someone else. Scully spends her night off talking to Mulder, researching the answers he needs. She drops everything when she thinks he’s in danger and drives up to lend a hand. These are things you do with your best friend.

Late night confession, in War of the Coprophages

I remember reading an article about The X-Files some time around early Season 4 with a kind of “will they or won’t they” focus, and I was genuinely surprised. At that point it had never occurred to me that there were romantic possibilities. It’s odd to think about that now, looking back, knowing how the relationship developed, but at the time I saw them as platonic partners and friends. Now, like many shippers I can go back to any episode from any season and point out “shipper moments,” and it’s fun to speculate as to how early Mulder and Scully realized they were in love. But when I’m honest with myself, I don’t think they were aware of any romantic feelings between them until Fight the Future. I think the almost kiss in the hallway came as a surprise to both of them.

The almost kiss, in Fight the Future

Incidentally, I was thrilled with the Fight the Future hallway scene. I was so glad they almost kissed, and so relieved that it was interrupted by that bee. I wanted to see them work through more before they became involved romantically. I’m a huge fan of angst and the slow burn, and we get plenty of that in The X-Files. Fight the Future got them re-evaluating their feelings for each other. After that I can’t help but focus on the romantic nature of the relationship.

How can you not ship them?

It’s easy for me to understand different perspectives among people who consider themselves shippers. There was amazing chemistry between David and Gillian from the start, with looks and touches that could readily be characterized as sexual. And there’s enough ambiguity in the stories that plenty of interpretations are feasible. What was harder for me to understand was how anyone could watch the show and not be a shipper. Did some people think there was never any romance between Mulder and Scully? How could they think that, given what we see in all things, Existence and The Truth (I won’t even get into the flirting in Season 7). It finally occurred to me that I needed to ask people what they mean when they say they’re not shippers. So I did.

The most perfect scene ever, in Requiem

Several people told me they’re just not interested in the relationship. It’s there, but that’s not why they watch the show. My husband is one of these. He loves the stories and the cases and the conspiracies; the rest is unimportant. Among that group there were some who felt that the episodes suffered in quality once the show started exploring the romantic relationship.

Others told me that they wish the relationship had never become romantic. They see Mulder and Scully as partners, friends, and soul mates, with a unique platonic relationship which makes them, and the show, more interesting. The show was different from other shows because of the way the relationship was portrayed, and it moved toward mediocrity when romance was introduced. Interestingly, some in this group expressed that Mulder and Scully should not be involved with anyone else romantically. They seem focused on the artistic impression of the show, and they like the idea that the Mulder/Scully relationship could be an ideal.

The ideal friendship, in Memento Mori

What I didn’t find was any group of people who believed the Mulder/Scully relationship never became romantic, which is what I always thought noromo or non-shipper meant. There were plenty of people who felt the show would have been better without a romantic element, but no one who denied it existed.

Aren’t we all in the same boat?

I’m so glad I engaged in these conversations! I realized that not only does ship mean different things to different shippers, but it means different things to non-shippers. Most of all I was struck, as I often am, with how this show can appeal to so many different people for so many different reasons. I’ve never come across another show like it in that respect. It presents complex ideas with complex characters who don’t fall easily into the stereotypical romantic pairing, and it leaves room for viewers to interpret what we see and gather meaning from it. So I’ve come to terms with the fact that we don’t all ship Mulder and Scully in the same way. And really, that’s one of the great strengths of the show.